Monday, May 15, 2017

Kiss your Mom


Aug 4, 2015 was the absolute worst day of my life. A call was made to me early that Tuesday morning that at my mom's home the ambulance and police were there, and that I need to come ASAP because something is going on. My mom suffered from Epilepsy & heart issues. This wasn't the first time I got a call like this. But I felt something was different. My husband rushed to my job to get me, and we flew down the highway towards My mother's house, which was 1 1/2 hours away. The calls kept coming, worried family members, neighbors. I couldn't get a hold of my father. I knew something was horribly wrong this time.

When I finally got my Dad on the phone, he said two words that crushed my entire existence. "She's gone."

I will never forget the tone of his voice. How the earth went quiet in that moment. My reaction. My husband's reaction. Time literally stood still. My mother, my best friend, gone? My heart was and still is, and always will be crushed until I kiss her cheek again.
I can replay every single second of that day, and the days that followed as if they just happened 5 minutes ago. Sounds, sights, how my body felt like it was going to split in two. The faces and emotions of my loved ones. Everything happening so fast, and so surreal.
We were not meant to handle death.

Now here I am, a mother myself, to a 9 month old boy. Everyday I am amazed by him and the things he does. Motherhood is a journey, an amazing one full of ups & downs, & I'm just getting started. Oh how I never in a million years thought I'd experience this without my mother's help, or advice. It makes me miss her a billion times more. Also knowing she won't get to see his beautiful face for quite some time, it's depressing, no other way to describe it. Just purely depressing.  But I do know the day she finally does meet him, she will instantly be in love.

Everything he does makes me wonder if I did that as a baby with my mom, and how she handled it. Mom rocked back and forth all the time. I catch myself doing it to rock my son to sleep, is that why Mom did, and it became a habit she couldn't break? Every time I catch myself rocking I can't help but to smile & wonder, and fight the tears. Did I wear her out the way he wears me out? Did I cling to her & look for her in a crowd the way he does me? Did I cry every time she walked away? Did I fight naps like he does? I have a million questions, I yearn so badly to call or text her to hear her answers.

Motherhood is hard, not having your mother's support that only she can give you, makes it a lot harder. I have family that loves me & my son, & they have helped me & will continue to do so. But there will always be a void no one can fill but her.


Being a mom now has made me love & appreciate her even more. She was a wonderful mother. I hope to be like her.

Never take your mothers for granted. Thank them for their hard work. Kiss them. Hug them. Love them endlessly. Because they did all that and a ton more for you. As soon as I see my mom in the resurrection, after hugging her so hard, I will be letting her know just how thankful I am for the hard work she put into making me the woman I am today. Until then I'll lean on & absorb the strength God & my family gives me.




For information about the Resurrection hope I so strongly believe in please visit: JW.org

No comments:

Post a Comment