Momma's last Pregnancy

 photos by http://jacqpettie.com

As I sit here today sipping my cold coffee (that I reheated only twice so far) while my toddler is by me dancing on the couch to PJ Masks, I find myself reflecting on the past 9 months. I’m approaching the end of my pregnancy journey. Not just the end of this pregnancy journey, but the end entirely, this will be my last pregnancy. 

In 3 days my baby boy will be in my arms! It’s so surreal that the time is finally here. So I’m enjoying & cherishing every little kick, hiccup & cartwheel on my bladder that he does in there, feelings that will never be forgotten. 

I am also enjoying the last few days of being just a Toddler Mom. Things are about to get real up in here! I believe my son knows that there is a change coming. It's funny because he will pul up my shirt and lay his head on my belly. Blow Raspberries, or just pat it & lay his head there. I've never showed him how to do that. I hope that he makes the adjustment to big bro well! I'm a little nervous because he's surely a Momma's boy, & he's had all of my attention almost everyday of his life so far, but now it's time to share Momma!

My friends showered me with love & a maternity shoot! This has been a great last month of pregnancy. Wonderful memories were made. 

Overall if you’ve kept up with my previous blog posts, then you know this has been a very uncomfortable pregnancy for me. But even though it’s been a struggle, it has been a healthy pregnancy overall & in this world that’s a blessing!

I’m having to end this pregnancy with my second C-Section due to SPD. After getting my husbands feelings on the matter, I’ve decided I’m getting my tubes removed. Not tied, or clamped, there's no reversing this procedure! I am 150% sure that's what I want. I will not go through a third C-Section. Being able to bring two healthy boys into this life makes me over the moon happy. It’s not how I pictured my births going but it’s what has had to happen. With this being a planned C-section you would think it helps ease the mind, but for me... not at all. I’m very nervous, scared & anxious. I will be until they have him safely out of me, me all sewn up & the surgery over. Then the fear will be gone.


But it won’t be "easy peasy lemon squeezy" (thanks PJ Masks) from there because, then I face the road to recovery! All while tending to my almost 2 year old & the newborn. Plus it’s summer break & our two oldest kids will be with us. Oh, & did I mention we’re also moving? Yep there’s going to be a lot on our plates for the next few months! Hopefully by the end of Summer we're in a routine & settled!

Us women are some strong beings. I remember a lot of my recovery from the last time & I’m hoping my body remembers to & this time, just maybe, it’ll be a little easier on me. But I’m not banking on that. A cesarean is a MAJOR surgery, plus my tubes will be removed before I’m done as well. So two surgeries at once! My body is going to need the rest that I won’t be able to give it like last time. But all I can do is take it day by day, and pace myself & remember “Woman you were just cut open an a baby was taken out of you, sit down!”


As a Mom I feel like everything has to be done ASAP and everyone needs to be happy. I want to help with everything (especially this move). I know though, until I’m completely recovered somethings will just have to wait on me. I will have to shut down my overworking brain, & let my body have it’s time. The last thing I want to do is over do it & end up back in the hospital. No one has time for that!

May 18th, 8am me & hubby will be at the hospital, me getting prepped & ready to welcome to the world our new baby. I will be back to let you know how the C-section goes this time, and what it's like being a Momma of 2 under 2. Thank you for all of the support & love shown this pregnancy!

First vs. Second Pregnancy Symptoms

Today marks 31 weeks pregnant! In 9 short weeks, give or take a week or so... my baby boy will be out of my womb & in my arms. It is so surreal! Looking back there has been times I have felt like this pregnancy was at a stand still. The "I've been pregnant forever" moments. But now, I realize how fast it has actually flown by! 

The lingering "I'm over being pregnant" moments are probably stemming from the fact that this pregnancy has been SO different & SO much more uncomfortable than my first. You're always hearing each pregnancy is different, each woman is different & how right that is! You also might hear that different symptoms means a different gender. Lies. We thought for sure the way this pregnancy was treating me that we'd be having a girl. Nope, another little boy!

Here's the breakdown.

First Pregnancy:

• Acne- during first trimester, face only, then it cleared up.
• Pelvic Pressure- 3rd trimester, as baby drops and gets bigger it puts more strain on your pelvis.
• Round Ligament Pain- Be careful how you move or you'll feel a SHARP quick pain in your lower abdomen/pelvic region. Feels like something ripping.
• Nausea- It was easy, cured by lemon ginger tea or some peppermint. 
• Food Cravings- I could've ate tacos, or anything Mexican all day everyday. No cravings with second pregnancy.

Both:

• Cold- I walk around in a hoodie in the house while everyone else is fine.
• Leg Cramps- This was actually worse the first pregnancy. They were pretty much my whole pregnancy, and horrible. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. With none of the remedies working for it. This time they've started in my third trimester, and thankfully not every night.
• Crazy Dreams- Pregnancy dreams are the most vivid, weird & wild dreams you'll ever have! They also seem so realistic! 
• Lack of Energy- 1st & 3rd trimesters. Obviously because growing another human is exhausting.
• Baby Hates Coffee- My beloved. In first pregnancy it made me sick. This one it tastes like I'm drinking metal. I can do a frappe, but that's horrible for you, especially when you're trying to not gain a ton of weight. But some days I got to have my caffeine.
• Lack of sleep- Most nights this involves singing the same part of a song over and over for 30 mins. I feel like we're deprived sleep during pregnancy to get us prepared for the newborn who's up every 2 hours to eat or get diaper changed.
• Shortness of Breath- I'm sure this happens to just about all of us, as baby gets bigger more pressure is put on your lungs, so you run out of breath easier. Sometimes just emptying out the dryer has me panting.

Second Pregnancy:

• Acne- Throughout whole pregnancy, not just face it's on my back & legs too, so sexy. 
• Nausea- Not just morning sickness would be all day sickness wouldn't want to eat. Not cured by tea or crackers or peppermint. Would come in waves, where I wish I would just puke to feel better! Thankfully, at least no vomiting. Lasted until half way through 2nd trimester.
• Sensitive, Dry Skin- I cannot stay moisturized, especially my hands! 
• Shedding Hair- This usually happens postpartum but my hair was falling out so badly first trimester! I was afraid I was going to have a huge bald spot.
• Weak Brittle Nails- There's an old wives tale that says when you're pregnant with a girl they steal your beauty, LIE! 
• Headaches- These were some killer headaches! One time it lasted for 4 days, which ended up the doctor making me do a 24hr urine test to make sure nothing was wrong. Thankfully they have eased up in my third trimester!
• Seeing Spots, or "Floaters"- This is HIGHLY annoying. Vision can change during pregnancy, and last time my sight actually improved in one eye! This time I cannot be without glasses or hello headache! I see floaters constantly!
• Pelvic Pain- This is probably my worst symptom this pregnancy. I'm convinced I have SPD Any long amounts of walking, and I'm in pain all day, which is a bummer because this is my favorite exercise. Some days it hurts so badly, just switching my foot from the gas to brake pedal is awful. Putting on pants I have to sit down. Turning over in bed is my cardio, I have to be careful as to how I move. Around Christmas I had a horrible pain in my pelvic area, I am sure it was in the bone, never felt something so painful, not even a contraction, I was so sure something was going to be wrong with baby after that. The next day I could barely walk. I was around 18 weeks then. So I've been suffering with this for quite some time. Doctors just say "it's normal" ... "you just had a baby, your body is going to remember what to do and do it quicker this time"... As if
• Silent Reflux- This is my newest thing. I do not feel the burning sensation of heart burn, this just feels like my food does not go past my chest. Yesterday it felt like it was all trying to crawl back up my throat. It was an all day thing. I was starving & scared to eat. There are a ton of natural remedies. I tried quite a few. I broke down and bought some Pepcid AC last night and it did help once it kicked in. It's supposed to be a 24 hr pill. Today I can feel a little of it, but not like yesterday I'm interested to see once 8pm hits, when the pill wears off if I'm right back in misery. I do not want to have to take this everyday for the rest of this pregnancy.
• Numb Hands- This doesn't come with any pain, they just fall asleep every night, multiple times. 
• Braxton Hicks- I did not have any contractions my first pregnancy until they induced me. My experience with Braxton Hicks contractions has so far only been my uterus tightening and releasing you can feel it happen, belly feels like a brick, but it doesn't hurt... yet.
• Less appetite- There are days I'm HANGRY! But overall, I've not had cravings, or been food crazy. Which makes me happy because I've been able to keep the weight gain under control this time. Last time it felt like I never got full.
• Cry Baby- I cannot handle ANYTHING emotional right now. There are parts in movies that make the tears stream while hubby gives me that "Are you really crying... again?" look. Thanks hormones!

As you can see my first pregnancy list was a lot shorter. I had it pretty easy! Being pregnant comes with a lot of symptoms, some are actually good, like bigger boobs, & thicker hair! I hope my lists didn't scare any of you away from the idea of getting pregnant! But helped you to understand some of the things your body MIGHT go through! It's truly amazing how God created us! We go through so many physical & hormonal changes while pregnant, women are amazing. You can't expect every day to be perfect & comfortable while you're housing a human. But the experience as a whole, it truly is so beautiful & totally worth it. Seems so cliche to say but, I would do it all again for my sons. 

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Monday with my Toddler

I am a creature of habit. Mondays are my Cleaning days. The weekends are hectic, and everyone is home making their own individual messes. So Monday is when I try to conquer the chaos. It'd be easier if cleaning was my only focus, I'd be done within a few hours in the morning then have the rest of the day to binge Netflix & become one with my couch. In reality my cleaning is intertwined with keeping the Munchkin entertained, safe, fed, and happy. 

Here's the breakdown of how my typical stay-at-home Monday's go.

8 a.m. or a little before, Baby boy wakes up. He is always happy to see Mommy first thing in the morning & is usually a very happy guy in the mornings! Which makes life a little easier before Momma's Coffee (if I even get any).

We get his diaper changed, he tells me a story about his dreams, face & hands wiped off (drooler). Then we do our spiritual routine. We watch a few videos that teach young kids good values & morals. They're awesome and he LOVES them! (you can check them out here).  Then we pray together. This is our every morning routine, not just Monday!

8:30 am It's breakfast time! Which has become quite the task lately since someone has started getting super picky! I'm not the type of mom who makes the perfect balanced breakfasts you see online. I go with what's easy & what works. For now that's usually a pancake with peanut butter on it and a glass full of almond milk. While he's eating I start a load of laundry, and get the kitchen tidy. Once he's done eating I clean all the syrup off of him.

9:00-9:15 am After breakfast the first thing he wants to do is run to the TV to watch his PJ Masks. If it were up to him, he would surely be watching it from sun up to sun down!

But Momma can't let that happen! He has to exercise that little brain! Now, our living room is connected to kitchen, so after he's done eating, I let him do his own thing while watching Mickey Mouse Club House (at least they count and do colors) or something while I finish up the kitchen & Grab myself some breakfast. 

9:45ish am Time for some sort of learning activity. 

He loves his books, he'll sit and go through them "reading" and looking at the pictures for quite a while! I'm glad, hope this never changes! When he finds his favorite he'll bring it to you to read to read to him! There of course are TONS of ideas on Pinterest for toddler activites. I've pinned quite a few ideas. So far most he's loved, but he's not into the messy stuff, paint, play-doh etc... 

While he keeps himself busy for a few I sweep the floors, eat breakfast (Finally) and continue with laundry.

11:00 Little man starts whining for a snack. Like clock work!

I try to rest for a few while he snacks, I'm 7 months pregnant and need a break. Plus this is my coffee/tea time! 

12:00 I usually give in to the PJ Mask at this time, because I need to finish folding laundry, and mop the floors. If that's done by now, then it's time for me to try to do some sort of workout. So I let him have his alone time in his room with his 6yr old Crime Fighters. If I'm working out I have to put him in his playpen for him to watch so I can get 30 mins. of uninterrupted time to workout, or else he's whining on me while I try to workout, or running around me dropping death trap trails of toys around. He is usually still snacking at this time, so we do a late lunch.

1:00 NAP TIME! *does Momma dance* Such an awesome time I think! Him, not so much! For Momma a 10-2o min. nap fighting session usually happens. Like today, he was surely tired... It was about 1:18 today when I got him and sat down with him to get him into nap mode. Which consist of me holding him and begging him to chill. 

He whined for a bit. I changed him, let him have a fruit pouch, then took him to his crib. Whining continued, but for about 3 mins. until he passed out. Which is a record! Now, this he only does to me, because if Daddy lays him down, he just goes to sleep, no fight! It's crazy, he does me so wrong! When he's napping I rest & finish laundry (yes, laundry is an all day task, washing, drying, crying cause it never ends, folding, & putting it all away).

2:30-3 Lunch! Nothing fancy, usually some sort of chicken, if he'll eat it today... & a  pouch so I can get some veggies into his little body. Today lunch was a disaster. When he woke up from his nap he was a Grouch. His nap lasted from 1:25-3. He was crying real tears for some reason... My guess, he's still sleepy, do you think he'd go back to sleep? Of course not! Soe he cuddled on me for a while, didn't want his nuggets, didn't want his juice. Crying continued. Finally he ate his nuggets, while sitting on my lap. Some days, you got to go with what works. My cleaning is usually done by now, except the folded laundry staring at me waiting to be put up. So after his lunch that happens (I eat lunch while he naps). 

3-6 He does his own thing, making a mess playing with blocks, or some toy in his room. Or in the living room attacking his basket of toys. I try to get off my feet again. Not always easy, soon as Momma actually gets to sit down on the couch, he's usually crawling all over me like I'm a jungle gym. Not very comfortable these days with the 7 month old in my womb. So after about 30 mins of that and me getting annoyed with it, I go prep dinner. I also got the bills & budget for the pay period set up today. Daddy comes home around 5 (YAY! now I get a REAL break! because by now I am in true MOMBIE mode, looking like an exhausted bum. SO sexy for hubby!)

I forgot to mention cleaning up his messes throughout the day. This is the 2nd time today he's pulled all his clothes out the dresser. Happens a few times a week. I'm about to duct tape it shut!

6 pm is Dinner time for Toddler. We eat with him usually, sometimes later. After dinner he plays more with Daddy. Because I'm escaping to the shower! 

8 pm is BED TIME!!! He sleeps through the whole night thankfully! Me, not so much these days baby boy is growing so much making me more uncomfortable, plus fighting leg cramps or indigestion. But thankfully we both get what we need to face the next day!

The rest of the week keeping him entertained, safe, fed, and happy is top priority. But we get out of the house, to the park, library, to the grandparents, or whatever else we can find to do with ourselves! It is a lot and some days can be overwhelming. Especially if He's not in a good mood. Or I'm not feeling good from pregnancy. But we get it done, every single day! This all may sound very easy to some, or exhausting to others. For me now, it's normal & easy. When the new baby is here. I'm sure it'll be total chaos for a while until we all get on a united routine. So I'll enjoy this little bit of calm, if you can call it that, for now!

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Anatomy Scan & Gender Reveal!

Yesterday we went to the doctor to do my anatomy ultrasound. We had been looking forward to this appointment for weeks! Mainly because you finally get to find out the sex of the baby, IF the baby cooperates for the Ultrasound Tech.

But more importantly, you get to see all the little parts of your growing baby & see if they're all working properly. This makes me a nervous wreck! Moms minds always think the worst. At least mine does! 

For a more in depth idea of what little parts I was referring too this list I found at Baby Med gives a perfect breakdown:

The following fetal parts are checked during the anatomy ultrasound:

• Face
• Brain (ventricles, choroid plexus, mid-brain, posterior fossa, cerebellum, cisterna magna, measurements of anterior and posterior horns of lateral ventricles)
• Skull (shape, integrity, BPD and HC measurements)
• Neck (nuchal fold thickness)
• Spine
• Heart (rate, rhythm, 4-chamber views, outflow tract)
• Thorax (shape, lungs, diaphragm)
• Abdomen (stomach, kidneys, liver, bladder, wall, umbilicus, cord, abdominal circumference AC)
• Limbs (femur, tibia, fibula, humerus, radius, ulna, hands, feet femur length FL)
• Genitals (gender, abnormality)
• Cervix (length and opening)

Our ultrasound tech was very nice & thorough. She described it as visually slicing through the baby, as if it were cake, to see all the different parts. It is so awesome you get to see the lobes of the brain, the chambers of the hearts, the lungs, diaphragm & everything listed above. It is so amazing to see on the screen. It's even more amazing & enjoyable when you have a tech that is nice & explains to you everything you're seeing. I was definitely moved to tears!

That's a full body shot, all curled up 😍

So once everything is done & the Tech had all the info she needed, she obliged (because they don't have to... they're there to find what's in that list above, not obligated to figure out the sex) to try to get a shot of the genitals for us. With Jacen he was so stubborn, he wouldn't spread 'em at all for the first ultrasound, so we had to go back again to see. With this baby it had it's little legs curled up too, but the Tech played around with my belly some and had me lay on my side, and we got to see just what we needed...

There's no denying what that is!!! I am officially a Boy Mom x2! Hubby just knew that this was a little girl since my pregnancy has been so different. Last pregnancy I knew without a doubt I was having a boy, this time I was clueless. We were hoping for a little princess, especially daddy, and big sis, she actually cried, poor thing is outnumbered. But we got us another Prince! At he end of the day we're just so thankful he's healthy and growing right the way he's supposed to! Couldn't be anymore thankful!

Now... to figure out what to name the Lil' Peanut!

One thing about having another baby of the same gender so close together is we won't need much for this baby, just essentials. Big Bro has plenty to share! They're bond is gonna be unbreakable growing up together! At first I was so nervous! "How am I gonna do this, two kids this close in age?!?!"... "Jacen is gonna be so jealous! He's too young to understand!"... But now I'm excited and ready for the challenge (remind me I said that when I'm ready to pull my hair our from exhaustion). I cannot wait to meet this little guy & see him and his brother playing & exploring together. They're gonna be amazing together! My Boys!

  

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Kiss your Mom

Aug 4, 2015 was the absolute worst day of my life. A call was made to me early that Tuesday morning that at my mom's home the ambulance and police were there, and that I need to come ASAP because something is going on. My mom suffered from Epilepsy & heart issues. This wasn't the first time I got a call like this. But I felt something was different. My husband rushed to my job to get me, and we flew down the highway towards My mother's house, which was 1 1/2 hours away. The calls kept coming, worried family members, neighbors. I couldn't get a hold of my father. I knew something was horribly wrong this time.

When I finally got my Dad on the phone, he said two words that crushed my entire existence. "She's gone."

I will never forget the tone of his voice. How the earth went quiet in that moment. My reaction. My husband's reaction. Time literally stood still. My mother, my best friend, gone? My heart was and still is, and always will be crushed until I kiss her cheek again.

I can replay every single second of that day, and the days that followed as if they just happened 5 minutes ago. Sounds, sights, how my body felt like it was going to split in two. The faces and emotions of my loved ones. Everything happening so fast, and so surreal.

We were not meant to handle death.

Now here I am, a mother myself, to a 9 month old boy. Everyday I am amazed by him and the things he does. Motherhood is a journey, an amazing one full of ups & downs, & I'm just getting started. Oh how I never in a million years thought I'd experience this without my mother's help, or advice. It makes me miss her a billion times more. Also knowing she won't get to see his beautiful face for quite some time, it's depressing, no other way to describe it. Just purely depressing.  But I do know the day she finally does meet him, she will instantly be in love.

Everything he does makes me wonder if I did that as a baby with my mom, and how she handled it. Mom rocked back and forth all the time. I catch myself doing it to rock my son to sleep, is that why Mom did, and it became a habit she couldn't break? Every time I catch myself rocking I can't help but to smile & wonder, and fight the tears. Did I wear her out the way he wears me out? Did I cling to her & look for her in a crowd the way he does me? Did I cry every time she walked away? Did I fight naps like he does? I have a million questions, I yearn so badly to call or text her to hear her answers.

Motherhood is hard, not having your mother's support that only she can give you, makes it a lot harder. I have family that loves me & my son, & they have helped me & will continue to do so. But there will always be a void no one can fill but her.

Being a mom now has made me love & appreciate her even more. She was a wonderful mother. I hope to be like her.

Never take your mothers for granted. Thank them for their hard work. Kiss them. Hug them. Love them endlessly. Because they did all that and a ton more for you. As soon as I see my mom in the resurrection, after hugging her so hard, I will be letting her know just how thankful I am for the hard work she put into making me the woman I am today. Until then I'll lean on & absorb the strength God & my family gives me.

For information about the Resurrection hope I so strongly believe in please visit: JW.org