Life with 2 under 2

My son turned 2 today. I’ve graduated from being a mom of 2 under 2, to 2 under 3... Yay me! Seriously, keeping boys alive is hard work, I deserve a pat on the back! Just this morning already he fell off of the recliner and almost busted his head on a dumbbell. Why are boys so reckless? Hopefully that's the extent of his dangerous shenanigans today. 

I've been reflecting on the past year, he and I have had a lot of changes in our life. We welcomed his new baby brother to the world, and we moved into a new house. They are both amazing changes but we are both still adjusting. In fact, we all are. I also am a bonus mom of two older children, and before my boys came into the world, it was just me and them. So if they wanted to get up and go to pool or beach, sure! 

I have them all summer & I had major anxiety when I was pregnant about how this summer would go. I didn’t want to bore the older kids to death because I knew we would Be home for the majority of the time, I would be recovering from my C-section, learning the new baby & getting back into the breastfeeding routine. How am I gonna to take care of everyone and keep everyone happy without having a nervous breakdown? Also, it’s summer it’s HOT, realistically I cannot take a newborn to the pool or leave unattended. The eldest helps with both babies but she’s 12 she’ll only focus on them for so long before she’s over it.

Now we have to think about the activity we want to do & usually the answer is no. I like to think I’m a Super Mom, but venturing out with 4 kids to do various activities alone, c’mon that’s a lot to handle! It’s hard enough going to the grocery store with everybody. So unless it’s been a group activity with other parents around this Summer we’ve all been pretty much indoors. There’s been a lot of screen time. We as moms feel guilty when there’s too much technology & not enough books & crafting... but some days Sanity > Entertainment.

With just moving into the house too we’ve been busy still working on things here in & around the house & yard. Hopefully soon we’ll be fire pit, water slide & kiddie pool ready! Thankfully we live in Myrtle Beach, where summer lasts until November!

The ages of our kids are 12, 8, 2 and three months. The older kids are pretty much doing similar activities now. They want to be on the go! Water parks, Theme Parks, all the parks!! The younger kids are not ready for their level of activities, obviously.

There’s definitely pros & cons to having the baby’s close together in age. The biggest Pro I think, is the fact My toddler and newborn will grow up together learning similar things around the same times. Like swimming, bikes, reading, school etc... I think it’ll make Mommin’ a lot easier when they are coloring and looking for bugs and being dirty superhero-ninja boys at the same time. Also they will always be in the same schools which to me is a huge relief. 

Another pro is I’m not out of my baby-zone meaning I’m still used to catering to my toddler’s every want & need, so it’s been overall easy to adjust to taking care of the newborn. My toddler has been sleeping through the night since about 1 year old. But during the day it’s his constant Whining & Pleading, and me deciphering & pleasing. So to have to add one more human to cater to has not been much of an adjustment. I would not have wanted to be starting over with all the newborn duties while I have a kid in school. It’s easier to just get this part all done now.

I’m tired. REM sleep is rare. There’s a lot Of crying... usually just them, sometimes me... I get all my steps in on my Fitbit because I don’t get to sit down more than 5 mins at a time. My coffee is ALWAYS cold. They aren’t on the same napping schedule yet. (Right now the toddler is asleep & the newborn is wide awake, at least he’s entertaining himself). I am 100% sure I can change a diaper with my eyes closed. Someone is ALWAYS touching me. 

There’s times when I’m nursing the baby and the toddler is laying on me or rubbing on me. Sometimes the toddler is mad because you’re focus is on the baby & you can’t handle their need right then. Queue the tantrum. Someone always wants something from me, always. Did I mention keeping the house clean & everyone fed too? HUGE SHOUT OUT To all the single moms out there doing this alone because if it wasn’t for my hubby & me being able to escape to my bathtub with a glass of wine & some Epsom salt sometimes, I’d pass out from exhaustion! 

Let me lighten this back up for y’all. It’s not all doom & gloom. There’s a ton of beauty in the chaos. Watching how they change each day. How the toddler is learning new things & catches on so quickly. How he loves his Momma and gives me random kisses. How the baby has started to smile at me now. How all the siblings love each other. 

We are in our forever home, which I didn’t have as a kid so being able to do that for my boys... It all melts my heart and I wouldn’t change a thing (well except the lack of sleep, I’d like some more of that). Having baby’s close together can be done. And it can be easy! It seems that from what I’ve witnessed with other Momma’s no matter when you have your baby you’re never truly prepared anyway. Each child is completely different. So If you want more than one I recommend having them close together. Get all the baby duties out the way within a few years, once they start to develop their own interest & grow into their personalities it gets easier. Also, when they can get their own snacks & turn their own tv on!

We will not be having anymore babies (Daddy & Momma wanna enjoy ourselves when we’re old & gray... hopefully in Aruba). Now the focus is on teaching these ones to be good humans who love God. If we can accomplish that it was all worth it!

Lil' L's Birth Story

Today is my son's due date! But his birth date, that actually happened on the 18th! He's almost been out of womb, blessing our lives for a whole week now! I had a scheduled C-section, they planned for it at 39 weeks. You would think that knowing ahead of time that you're going in for a C-section birth, that you would have time to mentally prepare yourself. But I don't think it helps, at least it didn't help my worries & anxiety. This was my second C-section so I knew what to expect & to know it was about to all happen again, didn't put me at any ease. But at 10:20 a.m. this gorgeous 7lb 5oz 20" long boy was pulled out of me & all those fears were finally gone! I did it! He's Here! He's Healthy! You're still alive! YAY!

Yes, it's 100% cliche to say that it was all worth it, but look at him! It was completely worth it. All the pain & discomfort I had my whole pregnancy, worth it. The pain & discomfort during my recovery, worth it. A healthy baby boy was my gift for my pains & I couldn't be happier. 

The actual surgery went very well. It's also fast. I was in there being prepped a little before 10 a.m. & Here he is at 10:20 a.m. I had an awesome team in the OR. They had me very relaxed & confident. Especially the Anesthesiologist. I was beyond nervous about the spinal tap, while she was prepping me all I was doing was praying. That needle in my lower back to numb me was NO FUN! But I got through it, and she was just amazing, she even took our pictures for us! I loved that they lowered the drape so that I could see him, they actually offered to lower so I could watch him being born, but I was not too keen on the idea of watching their hands inside my body, pulling him out! I feel like I would have nightmares! My hubby on the other hand watched every single thing they did to me. I was happy just to see the above.

I also opted to have my tubes removed. Yes, Momma is done having babies, two strong healthy boys in this world is more than I could ask for. I will not go through a 3rd C-section. The type of tubal removal I had is not reversible. The tubes themselves are completely 100% removed, leaving ovaries intact. This helps lower risk of ovarian cancer as well. If this is something you're interested in doing, make sure you are 100% resolved in not having any more children. If you think you will change your mind later, you can get clamped, or tied, which can be reversed. I loved that my doctor kept asking me, even while I was on the table, if I was sure just in case I had changed my mind. Like I said before I was 100% sure, so gone they are! 

I was back in recovery around 10:40 or so, and my hubby was in there with baby as he got his first bath, shots, and other test right there in the recovery room! I was broough in as soon as doctor finished putting me back together! I LOVED being able to go through recovery with baby & hubby in same room! Before all this happened while I was in a room alone for over 30 minutes for my recovery. 

When everything was done I was able to start breastfeeding him & doing skin-to-skin. Little guy was just so tired. He latched at 11:20 a.m. and actually didn't eat again until almost midnight, he was too tired, couldn't get him to stay awake long enough to eat!

Once that appetite hit him though, he couldn't be stopped! The second & third day babies cluster feed to get your milk to come in. He literally went from boob to boob for about 4 hours straight, talk about draining you! Literally! But it paid off because by Sunday my milk came in & he was satisfied!! He is such a chill baby so far, he only cries or gets fussy when something is wrong, and it's amazing! Hoping he keeps such a chill temperament!

My pain level was & still is pretty intense! When I was able to feel my legs again, I had nurses remove my catheter, because I just knew I could walk. My mind was strong. Body, not at all. The pain and heaviness I felt the first time I stood up... There are no words. I was able to walk to bathroom with help of the nurses. Saturday morning I was able to get around a little bit better. But still very slowly & turning over in bed was not happening. I was given Motrin & Percocet. As long as the nurses kept up with my doses on time I was okay. Once it would wear off HELLOOOO PAIN! By Sunday I was moving around pretty good, I couldn't believe it. Also the part no one likes to talk about, the blood loss. Mine had slowed down quite a bit, the nurses were pleased about that. Me too. It's still flowing but no more than a regular cycle. This will continue for another week or so.

Surprisingly we were discharged Sunday. Which was amazing to me. I only spend 2 nights in the hospital. I was even able to slowly walk out the hospital! No wheelchair! (which is hospital policy but there was a wait list to be rolled out and I just wanted to GO!)

Now that I've been home I've been trying to take it as easy as possible. Was told not to lift anything heavier than baby, which isn't realistic when I have a 27 pound toddler to look after, who feels like 100 pounds right now. Thankfully my Hubby has taken a week off from work to be home with me so he's been watching me like a hawk & dealing with the toddler. 

I don't like taking the Percocet unless absolutely necessary because it makes me loopy headed & very sleepy. Like pass out on the couch while breastfeeding and not even realize I'm asleep, sleepy. Overall I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be, but was reminded by my body Tuesday that I just had two surgeries done, and I need to take it easier. Sometimes when I move it feels like my incision is ripping apart, doctor said that's the "thick stitches inside" the incision. All I know is It hurts horribly. So I have to move slowly when doing, well anything. In a little over a week I go to have incision looked at and bandages removed. Hopefully all is well & I'll be able to get around even better by then. Next week hubby goes back to work & the real fun for me begins, home alone with 2 under 2. May my coffee be stronger than my toddler!

Seventh Generation Baby

Our little babies are so innocent, sensitive, helpless, gentle & new when they enter into this world. They depend on us for everything big & small. When it comes to necessary products that we need for them day to day, the last thing you want to worry about is if it’s safe or not. As a mom I try to stick as close to nature as my budget allows for my little boys. I do not want a bunch of chemicals on their fresh new skin!

I was given a baby sample kit from Seventh Generation, for free to test out for my newest addition! I am in love y’all! Seriously the products are great! 

If you haven't heard of Seventh Generation, they are a company that uses plant based ingredients in all their products. From baby goods, to cleaners for your home. They have a full glossary of every single ingredient used in all their products! Takes the guess work out for us!

The wipes are my favorite! A product that contains no Alcohol, Parabens, or Fragrances! They’re hypoallergenic, I can use them all over his body even his face with no worries!! Which came in handy today when he spit-up right after I got him all clean & changed! I grabbed a wipe with no hesitation and wiped his face and neck off, I don't have to worry if it's going to make him break out, or leave a smell behind that will bother his wee little nose! I am a forever fan! I will always have their wipes on hand!

You can always find a good deal on their products at Target or Amazon. If you coupon those deals get even sweeter! If you’re like me every penny counts. I want the best for my baby & my budget! Seventh Generation products will always be on my shopping list!

Momma's Top 10 Newborn Must-haves!

Hello New Mommas, & Repeat Mommas! We all know from our searches there are hundreds of thousands of things that the Baby Market pushes on us as if we HAVE to have it or we are gonna fail at motherhood. So many options & the prices can be out of this world for something that will only be used a few months to a year!  This is my second baby & I am by no means no baby expert but this is what I know that I could not in anyway survive newborn life without! 

I'm not going to state the obvious, like diapers & wipes, because they're necessities. How many of what size you need all depends on how fast you're newborn is growing & how quickly they fill them up. Also you will learn what brand works the best for your baby. You know you're going to need bottle & pacifiers. What kind your baby takes also varies, I will suggest if you're breast feeding to only use a slow-flow nipple... forever, you want the baby to have to work to get the milk out of the bottle so that it's not easier than the boob. Or else they will favor bottle over boob cause the milk flows faster.

(The links below are affiliate links, which means if you click and purchase the suggested product, I would get a percentage of the sale.)

Momma's Top 10

• Swaddle Me Baby Swaddles Newborns are used to being tightly bound in your womb, coming out they like the same, some for a few weeks, some for months. The design of these are genius, a lot easier than using a swaddle blanket and perfecting your baby wrapping skills. This is a no-brainer and trust me that's what is needed for late night changes When you can just slide them in here feet first then close them up with the Velcro! It's a 3 step quick process! Make sure you get a small & large for the best fit.
• Burp Cloths Newborns love to spit up & drool, and you will want these slung over your shoulder 24/7. Go for the style you like most but these are long and fit right in the danger zone of the spit up when you're carrying baby! They have saved many of me & hubby's shirts!
• Activity Mat There are many kinds of activity mats. This one was awesome my son loved it, and still plays with the piano that's detachable! From about a month old I would lay him on it he'd look around at the colors of the mat and the toys hanging above, soon he was able to kick the piano and when he figured that out there was no stopping him! You can also do tummy-time on this mat.

• Boppy Pillow These Pillows are truly a necessity! I nurse and without this pillow it would've been back breaking! It supports your with different nursing positions. The baby can be propped up on it to sleep (with supervision), and can do tummy time on it. They're amazing!They're also well made I've machine washed mine a few times and it's still in good shape will be using it for the new baby!

• Bottle Warmer Even if you exclusively breastfeed there will be times you're not around your baby and a bottle is needed. Some husbands like to feed the baby as well because they feel like that's their way of bonding. These bottle warmers are so easy! You pour some water in, turn it on, sit bottle in and 30 secs or so the bottle is warm. No waiting for water to boil & you cannot microwave breast milk!
• Bottle Sterilizer I found this to be the easiest way to get the job done. YOU HAVE TO WASH & STERILIZE BABY BOTTLES & PARTS! I used bags, but this is just better cause I can fit more in it. You wash your bottles, pacifiers, pump parts, & put in here with the recommended amount of water & put in microwave. Easy.
• Automatic Baby Rocker When it's nap time during the day these are blessing! Spend the extra money to get one that rocks, bounces or vibrates automatically unless you plan to sit and bounce it with your foot for the whole nap! These are also great to just let the baby chill in during the day as well.

• Baby Carrier There are TONS of different types of carriers (wraps, ring slings etc...) you have to find what works for you. These by Infantino are great, quick to put baby in, comfortable & easy to use. Their price tag isn't a deal breaker either! It's so much easier sometimes to have quick access to a carrier if you're at the store or outdoor events. Strollers are not always the most convenient. I am all about ease & comfort.

• Teething Toys I love Nuby for their teething toys. And your baby will start teething before you even realize it.  There are all sorts to choose from & their prices are amazing. My son really loved these keys easy to clean & freeze, they stay cold for a while too. We also had the Teething Blanket, Teethe-eez Teether & Bug-a-loop Teether all lasted through my first sons teething great products!

• Travel Changing Pad These are easy & convenient. The last thing you want to do is lay your baby on a nasty changing table in the bathroom. I am not a diaper bag person (although with 2 under 2 I'm going to have no choice). When I can just grab this and go into the store quickly instead of taking my whole bag, or throw this under the stroller, at the park it makes sens & makes life easier! 

You may want to stock up on your favorite coffee & protein bars for energy as well (totally not kidding!) Momming is the hardest job I've ever had. I hope the things in my list make it a little easier for you, as they did me!

First vs. Second Pregnancy Symptoms

Today marks 31 weeks pregnant! In 9 short weeks, give or take a week or so... my baby boy will be out of my womb & in my arms. It is so surreal! Looking back there has been times I have felt like this pregnancy was at a stand still. The "I've been pregnant forever" moments. But now, I realize how fast it has actually flown by! 

The lingering "I'm over being pregnant" moments are probably stemming from the fact that this pregnancy has been SO different & SO much more uncomfortable than my first. You're always hearing each pregnancy is different, each woman is different & how right that is! You also might hear that different symptoms means a different gender. Lies. We thought for sure the way this pregnancy was treating me that we'd be having a girl. Nope, another little boy!

Here's the breakdown.

First Pregnancy:

• Acne- during first trimester, face only, then it cleared up.
• Pelvic Pressure- 3rd trimester, as baby drops and gets bigger it puts more strain on your pelvis.
• Round Ligament Pain- Be careful how you move or you'll feel a SHARP quick pain in your lower abdomen/pelvic region. Feels like something ripping.
• Nausea- It was easy, cured by lemon ginger tea or some peppermint. 
• Food Cravings- I could've ate tacos, or anything Mexican all day everyday. No cravings with second pregnancy.

Both:

• Cold- I walk around in a hoodie in the house while everyone else is fine.
• Leg Cramps- This was actually worse the first pregnancy. They were pretty much my whole pregnancy, and horrible. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. With none of the remedies working for it. This time they've started in my third trimester, and thankfully not every night.
• Crazy Dreams- Pregnancy dreams are the most vivid, weird & wild dreams you'll ever have! They also seem so realistic! 
• Lack of Energy- 1st & 3rd trimesters. Obviously because growing another human is exhausting.
• Baby Hates Coffee- My beloved. In first pregnancy it made me sick. This one it tastes like I'm drinking metal. I can do a frappe, but that's horrible for you, especially when you're trying to not gain a ton of weight. But some days I got to have my caffeine.
• Lack of sleep- Most nights this involves singing the same part of a song over and over for 30 mins. I feel like we're deprived sleep during pregnancy to get us prepared for the newborn who's up every 2 hours to eat or get diaper changed.
• Shortness of Breath- I'm sure this happens to just about all of us, as baby gets bigger more pressure is put on your lungs, so you run out of breath easier. Sometimes just emptying out the dryer has me panting.

Second Pregnancy:

• Acne- Throughout whole pregnancy, not just face it's on my back & legs too, so sexy. 
• Nausea- Not just morning sickness would be all day sickness wouldn't want to eat. Not cured by tea or crackers or peppermint. Would come in waves, where I wish I would just puke to feel better! Thankfully, at least no vomiting. Lasted until half way through 2nd trimester.
• Sensitive, Dry Skin- I cannot stay moisturized, especially my hands! 
• Shedding Hair- This usually happens postpartum but my hair was falling out so badly first trimester! I was afraid I was going to have a huge bald spot.
• Weak Brittle Nails- There's an old wives tale that says when you're pregnant with a girl they steal your beauty, LIE! 
• Headaches- These were some killer headaches! One time it lasted for 4 days, which ended up the doctor making me do a 24hr urine test to make sure nothing was wrong. Thankfully they have eased up in my third trimester!
• Seeing Spots, or "Floaters"- This is HIGHLY annoying. Vision can change during pregnancy, and last time my sight actually improved in one eye! This time I cannot be without glasses or hello headache! I see floaters constantly!
• Pelvic Pain- This is probably my worst symptom this pregnancy. I'm convinced I have SPD Any long amounts of walking, and I'm in pain all day, which is a bummer because this is my favorite exercise. Some days it hurts so badly, just switching my foot from the gas to brake pedal is awful. Putting on pants I have to sit down. Turning over in bed is my cardio, I have to be careful as to how I move. Around Christmas I had a horrible pain in my pelvic area, I am sure it was in the bone, never felt something so painful, not even a contraction, I was so sure something was going to be wrong with baby after that. The next day I could barely walk. I was around 18 weeks then. So I've been suffering with this for quite some time. Doctors just say "it's normal" ... "you just had a baby, your body is going to remember what to do and do it quicker this time"... As if
• Silent Reflux- This is my newest thing. I do not feel the burning sensation of heart burn, this just feels like my food does not go past my chest. Yesterday it felt like it was all trying to crawl back up my throat. It was an all day thing. I was starving & scared to eat. There are a ton of natural remedies. I tried quite a few. I broke down and bought some Pepcid AC last night and it did help once it kicked in. It's supposed to be a 24 hr pill. Today I can feel a little of it, but not like yesterday I'm interested to see once 8pm hits, when the pill wears off if I'm right back in misery. I do not want to have to take this everyday for the rest of this pregnancy.
• Numb Hands- This doesn't come with any pain, they just fall asleep every night, multiple times. 
• Braxton Hicks- I did not have any contractions my first pregnancy until they induced me. My experience with Braxton Hicks contractions has so far only been my uterus tightening and releasing you can feel it happen, belly feels like a brick, but it doesn't hurt... yet.
• Less appetite- There are days I'm HANGRY! But overall, I've not had cravings, or been food crazy. Which makes me happy because I've been able to keep the weight gain under control this time. Last time it felt like I never got full.
• Cry Baby- I cannot handle ANYTHING emotional right now. There are parts in movies that make the tears stream while hubby gives me that "Are you really crying... again?" look. Thanks hormones!

As you can see my first pregnancy list was a lot shorter. I had it pretty easy! Being pregnant comes with a lot of symptoms, some are actually good, like bigger boobs, & thicker hair! I hope my lists didn't scare any of you away from the idea of getting pregnant! But helped you to understand some of the things your body MIGHT go through! It's truly amazing how God created us! We go through so many physical & hormonal changes while pregnant, women are amazing. You can't expect every day to be perfect & comfortable while you're housing a human. But the experience as a whole, it truly is so beautiful & totally worth it. Seems so cliche to say but, I would do it all again for my sons. 

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Anatomy Scan & Gender Reveal!

Yesterday we went to the doctor to do my anatomy ultrasound. We had been looking forward to this appointment for weeks! Mainly because you finally get to find out the sex of the baby, IF the baby cooperates for the Ultrasound Tech.

But more importantly, you get to see all the little parts of your growing baby & see if they're all working properly. This makes me a nervous wreck! Moms minds always think the worst. At least mine does! 

For a more in depth idea of what little parts I was referring too this list I found at Baby Med gives a perfect breakdown:

The following fetal parts are checked during the anatomy ultrasound:

• Face
• Brain (ventricles, choroid plexus, mid-brain, posterior fossa, cerebellum, cisterna magna, measurements of anterior and posterior horns of lateral ventricles)
• Skull (shape, integrity, BPD and HC measurements)
• Neck (nuchal fold thickness)
• Spine
• Heart (rate, rhythm, 4-chamber views, outflow tract)
• Thorax (shape, lungs, diaphragm)
• Abdomen (stomach, kidneys, liver, bladder, wall, umbilicus, cord, abdominal circumference AC)
• Limbs (femur, tibia, fibula, humerus, radius, ulna, hands, feet femur length FL)
• Genitals (gender, abnormality)
• Cervix (length and opening)

Our ultrasound tech was very nice & thorough. She described it as visually slicing through the baby, as if it were cake, to see all the different parts. It is so awesome you get to see the lobes of the brain, the chambers of the hearts, the lungs, diaphragm & everything listed above. It is so amazing to see on the screen. It's even more amazing & enjoyable when you have a tech that is nice & explains to you everything you're seeing. I was definitely moved to tears!

That's a full body shot, all curled up 😍

So once everything is done & the Tech had all the info she needed, she obliged (because they don't have to... they're there to find what's in that list above, not obligated to figure out the sex) to try to get a shot of the genitals for us. With Jacen he was so stubborn, he wouldn't spread 'em at all for the first ultrasound, so we had to go back again to see. With this baby it had it's little legs curled up too, but the Tech played around with my belly some and had me lay on my side, and we got to see just what we needed...

There's no denying what that is!!! I am officially a Boy Mom x2! Hubby just knew that this was a little girl since my pregnancy has been so different. Last pregnancy I knew without a doubt I was having a boy, this time I was clueless. We were hoping for a little princess, especially daddy, and big sis, she actually cried, poor thing is outnumbered. But we got us another Prince! At he end of the day we're just so thankful he's healthy and growing right the way he's supposed to! Couldn't be anymore thankful!

Now... to figure out what to name the Lil' Peanut!

One thing about having another baby of the same gender so close together is we won't need much for this baby, just essentials. Big Bro has plenty to share! They're bond is gonna be unbreakable growing up together! At first I was so nervous! "How am I gonna do this, two kids this close in age?!?!"... "Jacen is gonna be so jealous! He's too young to understand!"... But now I'm excited and ready for the challenge (remind me I said that when I'm ready to pull my hair our from exhaustion). I cannot wait to meet this little guy & see him and his brother playing & exploring together. They're gonna be amazing together! My Boys!

  

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Lost in Motherhood

Motherhood is a beautiful blessing. I cherish every single moment that I am able to share with my kids. I am very thankful for the opportunity to be able to be the one to stay home & raise them.

But Truth Moment: Some days it feels like I have completely lost myself, Where has April gone?

Today was surely one of those days. I haven't left the house since Monday, it's Thursday... The walls really closed in today. Of course I could get out and go for a walk or take little man to the park, but  I'm BEYOND exhausted! I'm keeping the toddler alive, and growing a new human at the same time. I'm tired. The past few days I have felt like I'm back in the first trimester, I would literally have not got out the bed if it wasn't for the needs of my son. Then here comes the guilt, he's stuck in the house with me, we do flash cards and he brings me multiple books to read all day, but the rest of the time he's rotting his brain out to Paw Patrol or Finding Dory for the 500th time. I feel like a failure to him on days like this. I want him to be outside exploring, or if we're stuck in the house to be making a mess with play-doh and paint, or something constructive.

There's only so much I can do when my body is begging me to lay down. 

Before motherhood took over, I was a Nail-tech, working at spas, pampering others & getting pampered. Having adult conversations, albeit it most was them bragging about the things they had, but hey, it was another adult. I made them feel brand new with some seriously cute nails.

Something I enjoyed to do very much. But now, I don't have the time, I barely do my own anymore. Feels like I'm wasting my talent. I hope to get back into it one day.

We decided when I got pregnant that due to our finances it just made since for me to stay at home, and once again, YES I am very thankful for this. I couldn't imagine dropping my son off at day care, with strangers. When he starts school I'm sure I'll be THAT mom who's crying her eyes out in the car. This was the best for us, and that's why I am doing it. It is a HARD JOB! Everything about being a SAHM is still new to me. It's still an adjustment. Even 17 months into the role.  There's no clocking out. No Sick days. No Vacation. When I think I got it down pat, life laughs at me. In May I'll have a toddler, a newborn, a 7 & 11 year old up in this house with me! I honestly don't think there is enough caffeine to get me through the days! 

The new April is a mom 110% of the time 365 days of the year.

I may have lost the more independent, working, nail-artist April, but what have I gained? 

The Love of my son, the pure unconditional love. I have watched him grow each and everyday, stronger & smarter. I haven't missed a single milestone! That assures me that I'm not failing him after all. He's happy & healthy. Tomorrow is a new day. As long as he is smiling, I'm doing my job well! 

Over the next few years I'm sure that I'll adjust better into this Motherhood thing. No Mom is perfect, we are our worst critics. It's OK to get tired. To get frustrated. To be mentally & Physically drained, you will always bounce back, why? Because those big brown eyes (in my case) are depending on you to brighten their day & you wouldn't have it any other way.

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Baby #2 Coming May 2018

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant 💗 My son will be 21 months when this baby is born. We are super excited! Was that my first emotion? No, my husband yes, he was thrilled, me 5,000 different worries rushed through my brain at once. It took a few weeks for me to be able to, breathe. 

The worries, you may ask were a range of things like:

• OMG! My son is not going to know what is going on he's too young to understand, he's gonna feel betrayed!!!!!!
• OMG! I'm gonna be cut open again!!!!!
• OMG!!!! How am I gonna deal with a newborn and a toddler?? Plus my two older kids.
• OMG!!! I WAS JUST PREGNANT!!!
• OMG! I just lost all the pregnancy weight now I'm gonna be a cow again!

Then I snapped to reality, I am a strong woman, and women have been doing this for centuries! My son is going to LOVE having a little sibling to play with (he is already thrilled when his older siblings are here). And who says I can't try for a VBAC?! Also tending to a newborn and chasing a toddler will make the preggo weight fly off! So just calm your butt down woman!

Here's my little Cupcake 😍

I am very happy y'all!! We're hoping for a baby girl this time, but obviously all that matters is a healthy baby! I can already feel the baby moving and it's starting to get uncomfortable to wear pants. If the old wives tale about a girl stealing her mom's beauty is true, it's surely a girl because I am Mrs. Pimple Face & My hair is shedding horribly. Surely didn't' happen the first time around, but every pregnancy is different, so they say!

I was told by the last hospital I delivered at before, that if I deliver with them again it's an automatic C-Section. (You can read about that experience here:My C-Section Story). But you know what? I'm not down with that!! So we're trying out a new OB/GYN & Hospital and they empower women to try for a VBAC!!! I am so excited! I was rushed along first pregnancy, this time I am gonna take control and let my body do what it was made to do! If a C-Section happens, it'll happen after I have given my body time.

My weight had nothing to do with why I had to have a C-section the first time, but the new Doctor is adamant that a small baby, and a healthy weight gain makes a VBAC more successful. So I am determined to not gain much. I workout and do a Low-Carb diet. I was 205lbs when this pregnancy started, I'm 15 weeks in and I weigh 210. I am pleased with that! I want my snap-back to be on point!! 😉

Another huge goal I have is to wean my son. I have been exclusively breastfeeding him, his whole life. He'll be 16 months old this month. I wanted to give him 2 years. But I cannot tandem feed, more power to the mothers who do it, but this chick does not have the mentality for it! So we are currently down to 1 feeding a day, about an hour before he goes to bed. He's not happy but he's getting use to it. By the end of December I am going to have him completely weaned. That gives Momma 5 months of a break before the newborn is here suckling away. Hopefully, will give baby boy a chance to not be too jealous when new baby is getting and he's not. We shall see.

I will be documenting this pregnancy here, also on my Instagram.

 Feel free to follow, and let's exchange encouragement!