Lil' L's Birth Story

Today is my son's due date! But his birth date, that actually happened on the 18th! He's almost been out of womb, blessing our lives for a whole week now! I had a scheduled C-section, they planned for it at 39 weeks. You would think that knowing ahead of time that you're going in for a C-section birth, that you would have time to mentally prepare yourself. But I don't think it helps, at least it didn't help my worries & anxiety. This was my second C-section so I knew what to expect & to know it was about to all happen again, didn't put me at any ease. But at 10:20 a.m. this gorgeous 7lb 5oz 20" long boy was pulled out of me & all those fears were finally gone! I did it! He's Here! He's Healthy! You're still alive! YAY!

Yes, it's 100% cliche to say that it was all worth it, but look at him! It was completely worth it. All the pain & discomfort I had my whole pregnancy, worth it. The pain & discomfort during my recovery, worth it. A healthy baby boy was my gift for my pains & I couldn't be happier. 

The actual surgery went very well. It's also fast. I was in there being prepped a little before 10 a.m. & Here he is at 10:20 a.m. I had an awesome team in the OR. They had me very relaxed & confident. Especially the Anesthesiologist. I was beyond nervous about the spinal tap, while she was prepping me all I was doing was praying. That needle in my lower back to numb me was NO FUN! But I got through it, and she was just amazing, she even took our pictures for us! I loved that they lowered the drape so that I could see him, they actually offered to lower so I could watch him being born, but I was not too keen on the idea of watching their hands inside my body, pulling him out! I feel like I would have nightmares! My hubby on the other hand watched every single thing they did to me. I was happy just to see the above.

I also opted to have my tubes removed. Yes, Momma is done having babies, two strong healthy boys in this world is more than I could ask for. I will not go through a 3rd C-section. The type of tubal removal I had is not reversible. The tubes themselves are completely 100% removed, leaving ovaries intact. This helps lower risk of ovarian cancer as well. If this is something you're interested in doing, make sure you are 100% resolved in not having any more children. If you think you will change your mind later, you can get clamped, or tied, which can be reversed. I loved that my doctor kept asking me, even while I was on the table, if I was sure just in case I had changed my mind. Like I said before I was 100% sure, so gone they are! 

I was back in recovery around 10:40 or so, and my hubby was in there with baby as he got his first bath, shots, and other test right there in the recovery room! I was broough in as soon as doctor finished putting me back together! I LOVED being able to go through recovery with baby & hubby in same room! Before all this happened while I was in a room alone for over 30 minutes for my recovery. 

When everything was done I was able to start breastfeeding him & doing skin-to-skin. Little guy was just so tired. He latched at 11:20 a.m. and actually didn't eat again until almost midnight, he was too tired, couldn't get him to stay awake long enough to eat!

Once that appetite hit him though, he couldn't be stopped! The second & third day babies cluster feed to get your milk to come in. He literally went from boob to boob for about 4 hours straight, talk about draining you! Literally! But it paid off because by Sunday my milk came in & he was satisfied!! He is such a chill baby so far, he only cries or gets fussy when something is wrong, and it's amazing! Hoping he keeps such a chill temperament!

My pain level was & still is pretty intense! When I was able to feel my legs again, I had nurses remove my catheter, because I just knew I could walk. My mind was strong. Body, not at all. The pain and heaviness I felt the first time I stood up... There are no words. I was able to walk to bathroom with help of the nurses. Saturday morning I was able to get around a little bit better. But still very slowly & turning over in bed was not happening. I was given Motrin & Percocet. As long as the nurses kept up with my doses on time I was okay. Once it would wear off HELLOOOO PAIN! By Sunday I was moving around pretty good, I couldn't believe it. Also the part no one likes to talk about, the blood loss. Mine had slowed down quite a bit, the nurses were pleased about that. Me too. It's still flowing but no more than a regular cycle. This will continue for another week or so.

Surprisingly we were discharged Sunday. Which was amazing to me. I only spend 2 nights in the hospital. I was even able to slowly walk out the hospital! No wheelchair! (which is hospital policy but there was a wait list to be rolled out and I just wanted to GO!)

Now that I've been home I've been trying to take it as easy as possible. Was told not to lift anything heavier than baby, which isn't realistic when I have a 27 pound toddler to look after, who feels like 100 pounds right now. Thankfully my Hubby has taken a week off from work to be home with me so he's been watching me like a hawk & dealing with the toddler. 

I don't like taking the Percocet unless absolutely necessary because it makes me loopy headed & very sleepy. Like pass out on the couch while breastfeeding and not even realize I'm asleep, sleepy. Overall I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be, but was reminded by my body Tuesday that I just had two surgeries done, and I need to take it easier. Sometimes when I move it feels like my incision is ripping apart, doctor said that's the "thick stitches inside" the incision. All I know is It hurts horribly. So I have to move slowly when doing, well anything. In a little over a week I go to have incision looked at and bandages removed. Hopefully all is well & I'll be able to get around even better by then. Next week hubby goes back to work & the real fun for me begins, home alone with 2 under 2. May my coffee be stronger than my toddler!

Momma's last Pregnancy

 photos by http://jacqpettie.com

As I sit here today sipping my cold coffee (that I reheated only twice so far) while my toddler is by me dancing on the couch to PJ Masks, I find myself reflecting on the past 9 months. I’m approaching the end of my pregnancy journey. Not just the end of this pregnancy journey, but the end entirely, this will be my last pregnancy. 

In 3 days my baby boy will be in my arms! It’s so surreal that the time is finally here. So I’m enjoying & cherishing every little kick, hiccup & cartwheel on my bladder that he does in there, feelings that will never be forgotten. 

I am also enjoying the last few days of being just a Toddler Mom. Things are about to get real up in here! I believe my son knows that there is a change coming. It's funny because he will pul up my shirt and lay his head on my belly. Blow Raspberries, or just pat it & lay his head there. I've never showed him how to do that. I hope that he makes the adjustment to big bro well! I'm a little nervous because he's surely a Momma's boy, & he's had all of my attention almost everyday of his life so far, but now it's time to share Momma!

My friends showered me with love & a maternity shoot! This has been a great last month of pregnancy. Wonderful memories were made. 

Overall if you’ve kept up with my previous blog posts, then you know this has been a very uncomfortable pregnancy for me. But even though it’s been a struggle, it has been a healthy pregnancy overall & in this world that’s a blessing!

I’m having to end this pregnancy with my second C-Section due to SPD. After getting my husbands feelings on the matter, I’ve decided I’m getting my tubes removed. Not tied, or clamped, there's no reversing this procedure! I am 150% sure that's what I want. I will not go through a third C-Section. Being able to bring two healthy boys into this life makes me over the moon happy. It’s not how I pictured my births going but it’s what has had to happen. With this being a planned C-section you would think it helps ease the mind, but for me... not at all. I’m very nervous, scared & anxious. I will be until they have him safely out of me, me all sewn up & the surgery over. Then the fear will be gone.


But it won’t be "easy peasy lemon squeezy" (thanks PJ Masks) from there because, then I face the road to recovery! All while tending to my almost 2 year old & the newborn. Plus it’s summer break & our two oldest kids will be with us. Oh, & did I mention we’re also moving? Yep there’s going to be a lot on our plates for the next few months! Hopefully by the end of Summer we're in a routine & settled!

Us women are some strong beings. I remember a lot of my recovery from the last time & I’m hoping my body remembers to & this time, just maybe, it’ll be a little easier on me. But I’m not banking on that. A cesarean is a MAJOR surgery, plus my tubes will be removed before I’m done as well. So two surgeries at once! My body is going to need the rest that I won’t be able to give it like last time. But all I can do is take it day by day, and pace myself & remember “Woman you were just cut open an a baby was taken out of you, sit down!”


As a Mom I feel like everything has to be done ASAP and everyone needs to be happy. I want to help with everything (especially this move). I know though, until I’m completely recovered somethings will just have to wait on me. I will have to shut down my overworking brain, & let my body have it’s time. The last thing I want to do is over do it & end up back in the hospital. No one has time for that!

May 18th, 8am me & hubby will be at the hospital, me getting prepped & ready to welcome to the world our new baby. I will be back to let you know how the C-section goes this time, and what it's like being a Momma of 2 under 2. Thank you for all of the support & love shown this pregnancy!

SPD Plaguing Me

If you've been reading my previous blog posts, you know this pregnancy has been completely different and a lot more uncomfortable for me. I am down to the last few weeks now. I cannot believe it's already April, next month my baby boy will be in my arms!

I've been struggling with pelvic pain this pregnancy. Really, it has been the worst part for me. It is an everyday thing, some days a lot worse than others. I had done google searches, and diagnosed myself with SPD. When I had my checkups at the doctor, (my OB that I go to rotates between a few doctors, so I've seen about 5 different ones this pregnancy) they always ask how I'm doing, and I tell them about the pain. Always get the same answer... "Your body responds quicker the 2nd pregnancy, and you'll have more pressure and pain it's normal." Having pain just pressing the brake pedal in the car, or putting on my pants, or walking is not a normal thing. Changing positions in the bed is the WORST, it is a true struggle! I also do stretches, sleep the way articles online suggest & try to move slowly. No relief. 

I had an appointment last week. With the very first doctor we met at this practice, who is AMAZING. She's knowledgeable, thorough, and she seems to have your best interests at heart. I told her about the pain, now it had been months since I seen her. When I described the pain & discomfort, she had me lay back and she pressed on the ligament that runs across the front of your pelvis, it connects the two pelvis joints. She said "tell me if this hurts." When she pressed on it, I could've jumped off the table, yea... it hurt! She said "You have SPD." I KNEW IT!!!!!  

So what is SPD? This article explains it very well: "Pelvis pain in pregnancy (SPD)"

I knew this wasn't just "normal". She said with some women it gets so bad that they need a walker to walk with. Thankfully I can get around without a walker. The ligament is inflamed and she said if I wasn't pregnant they'd give me a steroid to help the inflammation & have me rest. But as we know preggo's are very limited in the medicines we can take! 

But here comes the heartbreaking news I was not in any way ready to hear!!

My first pregnancy was an unplanned C-Section. This time we have been planning the whole time for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Each appointment, each doctor has been backing me & wanting me to do it. I have been hyped the whole pregnancy because I didn't get this experience with my first born. I won't get it this time either. Back under the knife I'll go.

She said she doesn't recommend pushing at all with SPD. The ligament can break, tear, or stretch, & if that happens after labor it could take months to heal properly, which means I wouldn't be able to walk properly & be in pain from it. IF it ever healed properly. My heart sank. C-sections are major, major surgery, & the recovery from them are NO JOKE! My son will be 21 months old when the baby is born, and I also have a 7 & 11 year old that'll be here for the summer. I have to be able to get around. There were a lot of hypothetical's like: IF the baby is small, IF you're dilating, IF you go into labor early. That's too many "if's" for me to be comfortable with. My body didn't go into labor the first time, I was induced... 3 times actually. So it still doesn't know what to do on it's on this time, although I was hoping for the chance. I can't take the risks. So whatever is the safest for baby & I is what I will do. Which, this time around will be another C-section.

When you're told you can't push your baby out, which God made a woman's body to do. It's heartbreaking. Makes you feel like you're body isn't sufficient enough to do what it was made to do! But that's not the way we should feel about ourselves. We have been able to carry a life, and birth it, we're STILL birthing our baby, so what if it's through the help of a surgery? Do you know how AMAZING we are to be able to go through that surgery, which is no easy thing, & our body heal from it, all while we're not able to just lay around & recover. We're taking care of a newborn, and other kids, and a house?! We're strong, strong women to be able to take all that on!!

Every Pregnancy is different.
Every Woman is Different. 
Everyone's pain is different.
Every Mom's Journey is different.

At the end of the day, we're all Mom's and we have one hard job of raising good little people! All that matter is we got them here safe & we do our best day to day!

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My C-Section Story

When you're a first time mom, you have this ideal picture in your head of how the whole pregnancy should go. Mid wive tells you to write out a birth plan, you sit and think hard about how you want everything to go, every single detail. Who's allowed in the room. What medicine you will or won't accept, down to if you want the lights on or not. I had it all planned out. I knew that I was gonna push this baby out!! Why not, that's what God made my body to do! 

But come Aug. 9, 2016 aroubd 5pm, my ideal birthing plan came to a screeching hault. I was told for the second time that I had to have a C-section. This time there was no other options, my son's life was at risk. So in I was wheeled for an emergency C-Section to bring my baby boy into this world. I now know that things could have went differently.  I will never forget that moment, ever. A C-section was never a thought in my mind. I was so not ready.

So, here's the details of how it ALL went donw! Where do I begin? Hmm... Oh yes, at the beginning. I carried my son 41+3 days when scheduled for  NST (non-stress test) and an ultrasound. The NST went fine, So I went to the next doctor for my ultrasound. This was a more thorough one than I had gotten previously. More in-depth to check him out to make sure everything was looking good and working properly. She got everything except the reading on the lungs that she needed. But my stubborn baby boy decided not to move around proper for the ultrasound. She could not get the reading and told me if she called my midwife back they would probably admit me because they'll see it as too risky to not go ahead and deliver...

So she called her, and admitted I was. Now you may wonder if I was worried for baby boy? Nope, not at all, because the WHOLE pregnancy he was stubborn, and for some reason he wouldn't move for other people's touches. He would be kicking up a storm, let dad touch my belly, boy would play opossum. Seriously. He was moving in the waiting room. But he just wouldn't move for that ultrasound, Even with a cup of coffee. My boy was stubborn, & still is 9 months later. So to the hospital I went, and here starts my motherhood journey, I was actually scheduled to be admitted later that week, but at this particular moment I was not ready, none of us were. We were in a bathing suits, heading to the beach after my appointment. Or so we thought...

Thinking back on this makes me question so much, and wonder if the staff would've handled things differently if maybe my body would've had time to do it's job. My Sis in law is a Labor & Delivery nurse and she was there, and frustrated by the way they were handling stuff (we were not at her hospital)  Now after researching I know that next pregnancy I will stand up for myself more. First time around you're clueless as to how things are supposed to go. You have trust in your midwives and doctors. You're supposed to be able to trust them. I should've questioned more. Next time you can bet I will have my voice strong!

My midwife got us checked in and told me my options. She said it was up to us if we wanted to be admitted or if we want to go home. After talking, we stayed. I mean I was 2 weeks overdue, let's do this! So they started me on Cervadil, that's a little strip of paper they insert inside you that is supposed to help induce labor, get you dilated... I was 3 CM when admitted. I wasn't making much progress, so here came the second round of Cervadil (Why the second round, if the first wasn't making good progress, why not Pitocin?) I started to contract around 4am on the 9th. First contractions I had ever felt, my whole pregnancy. WOAH!! & of course mine were all up in my back! Still 4cm dilated after all that, no progress made. Every time the nurses came aroudn they were offering an epidural like it was candy. They say the drip can make you and baby feel drunk and tired so they don't recommend... Around 9am when them contractions was strong, that epidural sounded beautiful so I got it. And I probably would again, I'm not one to sit there and battle pain when I don't have to.

Around 10am they broke my water, and baby boy's heart rate dropped. That has to be a shock to a baby's system right? You just interrupted his whole cozy environment he was in for 10 months, thankfully the heart rate bounced back & all was well. For now. Let me go ahead and fill you in on this important detail, do you know the monitors they put around your belly to monitory the baby's heart rate and contractions? 

Look like this: 

They are garbage! They would not stay in place. I can't tell you how many times they had to adjust them, or me to try to get readings. So they opted to put 2 monitors inside me, one attaches to baby's head. After epidural they inserted them, you would think this would be better, right? Wrong! They had to keep removing those as well and reattaching, to my poor unborn's head, once when taking it out of me, the end of it had his hair attached to it! They couldn't get it on him to stay properly because he had a full head of hair! These monitors plagued me & baby for hours!

Ok, so back to after the water breaks, his heart beat calms down, and we just wait. Wait, some more, and be adjusted, moved from side to side, sat me up, laid me down. Checked his position once, and the midwife (not the one I worked with for 9 months) said that he was positioned wrong, she couldn't tell what she was feeling, thought it was his neck and he was positioned with his head held backwards, so picture his face facing my cervix instead of top of his head. After she feels this she starts telling me I'm going to have to have a C-section. Now this is coming from someone who is supposed to do everything she can to avoid a C-Section. Thankfully she couldn't make the decision and had to call a doctor in. The doctor, to me, pretty much looked at the midwife like she was dense. She said to her "he's fine, this is the top of his head, it's his hair you're feeling." 

Really though, his hair. 

HIS HAIR LADY!

All my confidence was lost at that moment. The midwife tried to say he must've re-positioned by the time she got there. Yea, ok.  So here we go waiting some more, more moving me from side to side, sitting me up, which made me vomit & my blood pressure drop, way low. FINALLY giving me Pitocin, around noon or 1pm I believe. More of them pulling out the monitors and sticking them back to my son's head. There's a shift change, and now here we are at 5 pm where the new doctor on duty, is saying once more that I have no choice but to get a C-section because my baby is stressed, (They caused all his stress with those stupid monitors) and because I haven't dilated anymore, body made it to 5cm, even with all the meds. If they would've started me on Piticon when admitted this would've probably been different. They wasted so much of my time, and I was the bottom of their pregnant Momma totem pole, there were 5 other women there a few in active labor when I was admitted. I cried, so much I was so scared this was never a part of my plan. I knew that I was gonna die on that OR table, told my husband I loved him. He kept assuring me it was going to be ok. I felt like my body failed me.

Thinking about all this angers me. My midwife that I had done centering group with, and that was there for all my appointments, who knew me, wasn't on duty for my delivery. I feel like things would've went a lot different if she had been. I feel like they rushed me through everything. I sent her a message that they were talking C-section, but I didn't see her reply until the next day, when she was telling me to tell them no, give me time.  My son wasn't ready to be born yet, that's why he was nice and cozy over 41 weeks.  Next pregnancy I will make sure I give my baby the time he/she needs and not let anyone rush us. Especially if I feel like they're incompetent like the bunch I had then.

Around 6pm I was rolled into the OR, it was so bright, and so cold. My body was shaking uncontrollably, the anesthesiologist said that it was from the extra medications, son't worry I was ok, and that it's normal. Sure didn't feel normal it was super scary. It all happened very fast, next thing I knew I was handed this gorgeous dark-eyed, dark-haired baby.  All the nerves, all the anger, none of it mattered in that moment, he is healthy, and he was birthed. So what if by C-section? At the end of the day it doesn't make me any less of a woman. Or mom. Every time I feel that scar, I smile. I was cut open, and a life pulled out of me, I'm pretty freakin' fierce!!

In another post I will write about the Recovery. Thanks for reading, and if you have any questions, or want to share your experience please do, I'd love to hear about it!!

You can follow my Mom Journey on my Instagram (www.instagram.com/momma.ape)