Life with 2 under 2

My son turned 2 today. I’ve graduated from being a mom of 2 under 2, to 2 under 3... Yay me! Seriously, keeping boys alive is hard work, I deserve a pat on the back! Just this morning already he fell off of the recliner and almost busted his head on a dumbbell. Why are boys so reckless? Hopefully that's the extent of his dangerous shenanigans today. 

I've been reflecting on the past year, he and I have had a lot of changes in our life. We welcomed his new baby brother to the world, and we moved into a new house. They are both amazing changes but we are both still adjusting. In fact, we all are. I also am a bonus mom of two older children, and before my boys came into the world, it was just me and them. So if they wanted to get up and go to pool or beach, sure! 

I have them all summer & I had major anxiety when I was pregnant about how this summer would go. I didn’t want to bore the older kids to death because I knew we would Be home for the majority of the time, I would be recovering from my C-section, learning the new baby & getting back into the breastfeeding routine. How am I gonna to take care of everyone and keep everyone happy without having a nervous breakdown? Also, it’s summer it’s HOT, realistically I cannot take a newborn to the pool or leave unattended. The eldest helps with both babies but she’s 12 she’ll only focus on them for so long before she’s over it.

Now we have to think about the activity we want to do & usually the answer is no. I like to think I’m a Super Mom, but venturing out with 4 kids to do various activities alone, c’mon that’s a lot to handle! It’s hard enough going to the grocery store with everybody. So unless it’s been a group activity with other parents around this Summer we’ve all been pretty much indoors. There’s been a lot of screen time. We as moms feel guilty when there’s too much technology & not enough books & crafting... but some days Sanity > Entertainment.

With just moving into the house too we’ve been busy still working on things here in & around the house & yard. Hopefully soon we’ll be fire pit, water slide & kiddie pool ready! Thankfully we live in Myrtle Beach, where summer lasts until November!

The ages of our kids are 12, 8, 2 and three months. The older kids are pretty much doing similar activities now. They want to be on the go! Water parks, Theme Parks, all the parks!! The younger kids are not ready for their level of activities, obviously.

There’s definitely pros & cons to having the baby’s close together in age. The biggest Pro I think, is the fact My toddler and newborn will grow up together learning similar things around the same times. Like swimming, bikes, reading, school etc... I think it’ll make Mommin’ a lot easier when they are coloring and looking for bugs and being dirty superhero-ninja boys at the same time. Also they will always be in the same schools which to me is a huge relief. 

Another pro is I’m not out of my baby-zone meaning I’m still used to catering to my toddler’s every want & need, so it’s been overall easy to adjust to taking care of the newborn. My toddler has been sleeping through the night since about 1 year old. But during the day it’s his constant Whining & Pleading, and me deciphering & pleasing. So to have to add one more human to cater to has not been much of an adjustment. I would not have wanted to be starting over with all the newborn duties while I have a kid in school. It’s easier to just get this part all done now.

I’m tired. REM sleep is rare. There’s a lot Of crying... usually just them, sometimes me... I get all my steps in on my Fitbit because I don’t get to sit down more than 5 mins at a time. My coffee is ALWAYS cold. They aren’t on the same napping schedule yet. (Right now the toddler is asleep & the newborn is wide awake, at least he’s entertaining himself). I am 100% sure I can change a diaper with my eyes closed. Someone is ALWAYS touching me. 

There’s times when I’m nursing the baby and the toddler is laying on me or rubbing on me. Sometimes the toddler is mad because you’re focus is on the baby & you can’t handle their need right then. Queue the tantrum. Someone always wants something from me, always. Did I mention keeping the house clean & everyone fed too? HUGE SHOUT OUT To all the single moms out there doing this alone because if it wasn’t for my hubby & me being able to escape to my bathtub with a glass of wine & some Epsom salt sometimes, I’d pass out from exhaustion! 

Let me lighten this back up for y’all. It’s not all doom & gloom. There’s a ton of beauty in the chaos. Watching how they change each day. How the toddler is learning new things & catches on so quickly. How he loves his Momma and gives me random kisses. How the baby has started to smile at me now. How all the siblings love each other. 

We are in our forever home, which I didn’t have as a kid so being able to do that for my boys... It all melts my heart and I wouldn’t change a thing (well except the lack of sleep, I’d like some more of that). Having baby’s close together can be done. And it can be easy! It seems that from what I’ve witnessed with other Momma’s no matter when you have your baby you’re never truly prepared anyway. Each child is completely different. So If you want more than one I recommend having them close together. Get all the baby duties out the way within a few years, once they start to develop their own interest & grow into their personalities it gets easier. Also, when they can get their own snacks & turn their own tv on!

We will not be having anymore babies (Daddy & Momma wanna enjoy ourselves when we’re old & gray... hopefully in Aruba). Now the focus is on teaching these ones to be good humans who love God. If we can accomplish that it was all worth it!

Postpartum Weight-loss Update

Hello everybody!! I have not fallen off the face of the earth... I have had A LOT going on in my life in the past few months. Other than the obvious of having the baby we also bought a house! Leave it to Hubby & Me to try & conquer two Huge Life changing events within the same month! I was literally laying up healing from my C-section while he was unloading the U-haul, painting and cleaning the new house. It’s been two & a half months of chaos.

With the help of family & some awesome friends we got it all done. Without someone passing out from exhaustion and/or stress. We’re settled in officially (still have work to do on the house but we have forever to do that). Now I’m just trying to get used to the new baby routine while keeping the other 3 kids satisfied.

I have not done a update on my weight because along with some other weird items that went missing, like the vegetable peeler... my scale was one of the items that decided to be lost during the move! I think my husband tossed it so I would stop driving myself crazy. But he says he doesn’t know what happened. I have yet to buy a new one which, I’m OK with! It’s been kind of nice not jumping on the scale every few days. 

My last blog post, I weighed in at 227lbs. The last time I weighed on a scale was at my mother-in-law’s house about a week ago, and I weighed 215lbs! That's a significant loss! I reached the goal I set out in that post by mainly watching my carbs, with no major workouts other than some dumbbells here & there.  Nutrition > Exercise.

Please ignore dirty mirror, it's the perfect height for toddler hands.

I am trying my best to stick to a low-carb diet. It's not always easy when you have kids who snack all day, and have 7 kinds of Ice Cream in the freezer. We had a convention to attend out of town, before the convention I did great with my eating! Wanted to make sure I didn't feel bloated while there.

There's this place we love to go in Columbia, SC called Kiki's Chicken & Waffles, we're only in Columbia once a year for the convention so we always go there, and this year, we went twice! Yes, it's that good! Worth every mighty carb! So since then for a week I have fell off the Carb wagon. Started back full force yesterday! Thankfully I was only off track for a week. I am however, so tired of starting over. I have stopped and started my whole life. Never consistent. I'm sure I've probably even said the same thing in previous blog posts! Tired of hearing myself say out loud the same things over and over “I’m gonna do this”... “I’m going to do that”... I actually do, do it, for quite a while but then it stops. I come from a long line of people who love food and I inherited that trait for sure. I wish I could be one of those folks who LOVE to workout & view food as fuel. But I’m not. Food is my friend. Food is fun & amazing!

I don’t hate working out but these days I’m wore out from Mommin'. So adding in workouts seems almost impossible. I telling myself it’s my “me-time” and hoping it gives me a boost of energy to deal with the day to day. So for now I plan to start back by doing some walking around my new neighboorhood & sprinkling some Zumba & light weight-lifting in. 3-4 days a week, as my energy allows. As you have seen, my most important factor is my food, so I have to make sure I stay on top of that, more than the workouts. 

I’ll check back in with a weight update every month or so. My first goal is to hit 200lbs when I see that on the scale I’m throwing a party! I haven’t seen 200 or less in 12 years! That’s so crazy! I’ve never calculated that until this moment! I have seriously struggled my whole life, 32 years, with my weight. Minus a year or so when I was a toddler haha! I highly recommend folks to do a low-carb diet. Not nose-diving into Keto, which I tried for a couple years, before it was cool! It was too restrictive for me to be happy with long-term. I have found that Cutting Complex Carbs is something I can live with. It’s time for Momma to get fit. I gotta keep up with these boys!

Lil' L's Birth Story

Today is my son's due date! But his birth date, that actually happened on the 18th! He's almost been out of womb, blessing our lives for a whole week now! I had a scheduled C-section, they planned for it at 39 weeks. You would think that knowing ahead of time that you're going in for a C-section birth, that you would have time to mentally prepare yourself. But I don't think it helps, at least it didn't help my worries & anxiety. This was my second C-section so I knew what to expect & to know it was about to all happen again, didn't put me at any ease. But at 10:20 a.m. this gorgeous 7lb 5oz 20" long boy was pulled out of me & all those fears were finally gone! I did it! He's Here! He's Healthy! You're still alive! YAY!

Yes, it's 100% cliche to say that it was all worth it, but look at him! It was completely worth it. All the pain & discomfort I had my whole pregnancy, worth it. The pain & discomfort during my recovery, worth it. A healthy baby boy was my gift for my pains & I couldn't be happier. 

The actual surgery went very well. It's also fast. I was in there being prepped a little before 10 a.m. & Here he is at 10:20 a.m. I had an awesome team in the OR. They had me very relaxed & confident. Especially the Anesthesiologist. I was beyond nervous about the spinal tap, while she was prepping me all I was doing was praying. That needle in my lower back to numb me was NO FUN! But I got through it, and she was just amazing, she even took our pictures for us! I loved that they lowered the drape so that I could see him, they actually offered to lower so I could watch him being born, but I was not too keen on the idea of watching their hands inside my body, pulling him out! I feel like I would have nightmares! My hubby on the other hand watched every single thing they did to me. I was happy just to see the above.

I also opted to have my tubes removed. Yes, Momma is done having babies, two strong healthy boys in this world is more than I could ask for. I will not go through a 3rd C-section. The type of tubal removal I had is not reversible. The tubes themselves are completely 100% removed, leaving ovaries intact. This helps lower risk of ovarian cancer as well. If this is something you're interested in doing, make sure you are 100% resolved in not having any more children. If you think you will change your mind later, you can get clamped, or tied, which can be reversed. I loved that my doctor kept asking me, even while I was on the table, if I was sure just in case I had changed my mind. Like I said before I was 100% sure, so gone they are! 

I was back in recovery around 10:40 or so, and my hubby was in there with baby as he got his first bath, shots, and other test right there in the recovery room! I was broough in as soon as doctor finished putting me back together! I LOVED being able to go through recovery with baby & hubby in same room! Before all this happened while I was in a room alone for over 30 minutes for my recovery. 

When everything was done I was able to start breastfeeding him & doing skin-to-skin. Little guy was just so tired. He latched at 11:20 a.m. and actually didn't eat again until almost midnight, he was too tired, couldn't get him to stay awake long enough to eat!

Once that appetite hit him though, he couldn't be stopped! The second & third day babies cluster feed to get your milk to come in. He literally went from boob to boob for about 4 hours straight, talk about draining you! Literally! But it paid off because by Sunday my milk came in & he was satisfied!! He is such a chill baby so far, he only cries or gets fussy when something is wrong, and it's amazing! Hoping he keeps such a chill temperament!

My pain level was & still is pretty intense! When I was able to feel my legs again, I had nurses remove my catheter, because I just knew I could walk. My mind was strong. Body, not at all. The pain and heaviness I felt the first time I stood up... There are no words. I was able to walk to bathroom with help of the nurses. Saturday morning I was able to get around a little bit better. But still very slowly & turning over in bed was not happening. I was given Motrin & Percocet. As long as the nurses kept up with my doses on time I was okay. Once it would wear off HELLOOOO PAIN! By Sunday I was moving around pretty good, I couldn't believe it. Also the part no one likes to talk about, the blood loss. Mine had slowed down quite a bit, the nurses were pleased about that. Me too. It's still flowing but no more than a regular cycle. This will continue for another week or so.

Surprisingly we were discharged Sunday. Which was amazing to me. I only spend 2 nights in the hospital. I was even able to slowly walk out the hospital! No wheelchair! (which is hospital policy but there was a wait list to be rolled out and I just wanted to GO!)

Now that I've been home I've been trying to take it as easy as possible. Was told not to lift anything heavier than baby, which isn't realistic when I have a 27 pound toddler to look after, who feels like 100 pounds right now. Thankfully my Hubby has taken a week off from work to be home with me so he's been watching me like a hawk & dealing with the toddler. 

I don't like taking the Percocet unless absolutely necessary because it makes me loopy headed & very sleepy. Like pass out on the couch while breastfeeding and not even realize I'm asleep, sleepy. Overall I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be, but was reminded by my body Tuesday that I just had two surgeries done, and I need to take it easier. Sometimes when I move it feels like my incision is ripping apart, doctor said that's the "thick stitches inside" the incision. All I know is It hurts horribly. So I have to move slowly when doing, well anything. In a little over a week I go to have incision looked at and bandages removed. Hopefully all is well & I'll be able to get around even better by then. Next week hubby goes back to work & the real fun for me begins, home alone with 2 under 2. May my coffee be stronger than my toddler!

Momma's last Pregnancy

 photos by http://jacqpettie.com

As I sit here today sipping my cold coffee (that I reheated only twice so far) while my toddler is by me dancing on the couch to PJ Masks, I find myself reflecting on the past 9 months. I’m approaching the end of my pregnancy journey. Not just the end of this pregnancy journey, but the end entirely, this will be my last pregnancy. 

In 3 days my baby boy will be in my arms! It’s so surreal that the time is finally here. So I’m enjoying & cherishing every little kick, hiccup & cartwheel on my bladder that he does in there, feelings that will never be forgotten. 

I am also enjoying the last few days of being just a Toddler Mom. Things are about to get real up in here! I believe my son knows that there is a change coming. It's funny because he will pul up my shirt and lay his head on my belly. Blow Raspberries, or just pat it & lay his head there. I've never showed him how to do that. I hope that he makes the adjustment to big bro well! I'm a little nervous because he's surely a Momma's boy, & he's had all of my attention almost everyday of his life so far, but now it's time to share Momma!

My friends showered me with love & a maternity shoot! This has been a great last month of pregnancy. Wonderful memories were made. 

Overall if you’ve kept up with my previous blog posts, then you know this has been a very uncomfortable pregnancy for me. But even though it’s been a struggle, it has been a healthy pregnancy overall & in this world that’s a blessing!

I’m having to end this pregnancy with my second C-Section due to SPD. After getting my husbands feelings on the matter, I’ve decided I’m getting my tubes removed. Not tied, or clamped, there's no reversing this procedure! I am 150% sure that's what I want. I will not go through a third C-Section. Being able to bring two healthy boys into this life makes me over the moon happy. It’s not how I pictured my births going but it’s what has had to happen. With this being a planned C-section you would think it helps ease the mind, but for me... not at all. I’m very nervous, scared & anxious. I will be until they have him safely out of me, me all sewn up & the surgery over. Then the fear will be gone.


But it won’t be "easy peasy lemon squeezy" (thanks PJ Masks) from there because, then I face the road to recovery! All while tending to my almost 2 year old & the newborn. Plus it’s summer break & our two oldest kids will be with us. Oh, & did I mention we’re also moving? Yep there’s going to be a lot on our plates for the next few months! Hopefully by the end of Summer we're in a routine & settled!

Us women are some strong beings. I remember a lot of my recovery from the last time & I’m hoping my body remembers to & this time, just maybe, it’ll be a little easier on me. But I’m not banking on that. A cesarean is a MAJOR surgery, plus my tubes will be removed before I’m done as well. So two surgeries at once! My body is going to need the rest that I won’t be able to give it like last time. But all I can do is take it day by day, and pace myself & remember “Woman you were just cut open an a baby was taken out of you, sit down!”


As a Mom I feel like everything has to be done ASAP and everyone needs to be happy. I want to help with everything (especially this move). I know though, until I’m completely recovered somethings will just have to wait on me. I will have to shut down my overworking brain, & let my body have it’s time. The last thing I want to do is over do it & end up back in the hospital. No one has time for that!

May 18th, 8am me & hubby will be at the hospital, me getting prepped & ready to welcome to the world our new baby. I will be back to let you know how the C-section goes this time, and what it's like being a Momma of 2 under 2. Thank you for all of the support & love shown this pregnancy!

First vs. Second Pregnancy Symptoms

Today marks 31 weeks pregnant! In 9 short weeks, give or take a week or so... my baby boy will be out of my womb & in my arms. It is so surreal! Looking back there has been times I have felt like this pregnancy was at a stand still. The "I've been pregnant forever" moments. But now, I realize how fast it has actually flown by! 

The lingering "I'm over being pregnant" moments are probably stemming from the fact that this pregnancy has been SO different & SO much more uncomfortable than my first. You're always hearing each pregnancy is different, each woman is different & how right that is! You also might hear that different symptoms means a different gender. Lies. We thought for sure the way this pregnancy was treating me that we'd be having a girl. Nope, another little boy!

Here's the breakdown.

First Pregnancy:

• Acne- during first trimester, face only, then it cleared up.
• Pelvic Pressure- 3rd trimester, as baby drops and gets bigger it puts more strain on your pelvis.
• Round Ligament Pain- Be careful how you move or you'll feel a SHARP quick pain in your lower abdomen/pelvic region. Feels like something ripping.
• Nausea- It was easy, cured by lemon ginger tea or some peppermint. 
• Food Cravings- I could've ate tacos, or anything Mexican all day everyday. No cravings with second pregnancy.

Both:

• Cold- I walk around in a hoodie in the house while everyone else is fine.
• Leg Cramps- This was actually worse the first pregnancy. They were pretty much my whole pregnancy, and horrible. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. With none of the remedies working for it. This time they've started in my third trimester, and thankfully not every night.
• Crazy Dreams- Pregnancy dreams are the most vivid, weird & wild dreams you'll ever have! They also seem so realistic! 
• Lack of Energy- 1st & 3rd trimesters. Obviously because growing another human is exhausting.
• Baby Hates Coffee- My beloved. In first pregnancy it made me sick. This one it tastes like I'm drinking metal. I can do a frappe, but that's horrible for you, especially when you're trying to not gain a ton of weight. But some days I got to have my caffeine.
• Lack of sleep- Most nights this involves singing the same part of a song over and over for 30 mins. I feel like we're deprived sleep during pregnancy to get us prepared for the newborn who's up every 2 hours to eat or get diaper changed.
• Shortness of Breath- I'm sure this happens to just about all of us, as baby gets bigger more pressure is put on your lungs, so you run out of breath easier. Sometimes just emptying out the dryer has me panting.

Second Pregnancy:

• Acne- Throughout whole pregnancy, not just face it's on my back & legs too, so sexy. 
• Nausea- Not just morning sickness would be all day sickness wouldn't want to eat. Not cured by tea or crackers or peppermint. Would come in waves, where I wish I would just puke to feel better! Thankfully, at least no vomiting. Lasted until half way through 2nd trimester.
• Sensitive, Dry Skin- I cannot stay moisturized, especially my hands! 
• Shedding Hair- This usually happens postpartum but my hair was falling out so badly first trimester! I was afraid I was going to have a huge bald spot.
• Weak Brittle Nails- There's an old wives tale that says when you're pregnant with a girl they steal your beauty, LIE! 
• Headaches- These were some killer headaches! One time it lasted for 4 days, which ended up the doctor making me do a 24hr urine test to make sure nothing was wrong. Thankfully they have eased up in my third trimester!
• Seeing Spots, or "Floaters"- This is HIGHLY annoying. Vision can change during pregnancy, and last time my sight actually improved in one eye! This time I cannot be without glasses or hello headache! I see floaters constantly!
• Pelvic Pain- This is probably my worst symptom this pregnancy. I'm convinced I have SPD Any long amounts of walking, and I'm in pain all day, which is a bummer because this is my favorite exercise. Some days it hurts so badly, just switching my foot from the gas to brake pedal is awful. Putting on pants I have to sit down. Turning over in bed is my cardio, I have to be careful as to how I move. Around Christmas I had a horrible pain in my pelvic area, I am sure it was in the bone, never felt something so painful, not even a contraction, I was so sure something was going to be wrong with baby after that. The next day I could barely walk. I was around 18 weeks then. So I've been suffering with this for quite some time. Doctors just say "it's normal" ... "you just had a baby, your body is going to remember what to do and do it quicker this time"... As if
• Silent Reflux- This is my newest thing. I do not feel the burning sensation of heart burn, this just feels like my food does not go past my chest. Yesterday it felt like it was all trying to crawl back up my throat. It was an all day thing. I was starving & scared to eat. There are a ton of natural remedies. I tried quite a few. I broke down and bought some Pepcid AC last night and it did help once it kicked in. It's supposed to be a 24 hr pill. Today I can feel a little of it, but not like yesterday I'm interested to see once 8pm hits, when the pill wears off if I'm right back in misery. I do not want to have to take this everyday for the rest of this pregnancy.
• Numb Hands- This doesn't come with any pain, they just fall asleep every night, multiple times. 
• Braxton Hicks- I did not have any contractions my first pregnancy until they induced me. My experience with Braxton Hicks contractions has so far only been my uterus tightening and releasing you can feel it happen, belly feels like a brick, but it doesn't hurt... yet.
• Less appetite- There are days I'm HANGRY! But overall, I've not had cravings, or been food crazy. Which makes me happy because I've been able to keep the weight gain under control this time. Last time it felt like I never got full.
• Cry Baby- I cannot handle ANYTHING emotional right now. There are parts in movies that make the tears stream while hubby gives me that "Are you really crying... again?" look. Thanks hormones!

As you can see my first pregnancy list was a lot shorter. I had it pretty easy! Being pregnant comes with a lot of symptoms, some are actually good, like bigger boobs, & thicker hair! I hope my lists didn't scare any of you away from the idea of getting pregnant! But helped you to understand some of the things your body MIGHT go through! It's truly amazing how God created us! We go through so many physical & hormonal changes while pregnant, women are amazing. You can't expect every day to be perfect & comfortable while you're housing a human. But the experience as a whole, it truly is so beautiful & totally worth it. Seems so cliche to say but, I would do it all again for my sons. 

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Anatomy Scan & Gender Reveal!

Yesterday we went to the doctor to do my anatomy ultrasound. We had been looking forward to this appointment for weeks! Mainly because you finally get to find out the sex of the baby, IF the baby cooperates for the Ultrasound Tech.

But more importantly, you get to see all the little parts of your growing baby & see if they're all working properly. This makes me a nervous wreck! Moms minds always think the worst. At least mine does! 

For a more in depth idea of what little parts I was referring too this list I found at Baby Med gives a perfect breakdown:

The following fetal parts are checked during the anatomy ultrasound:

• Face
• Brain (ventricles, choroid plexus, mid-brain, posterior fossa, cerebellum, cisterna magna, measurements of anterior and posterior horns of lateral ventricles)
• Skull (shape, integrity, BPD and HC measurements)
• Neck (nuchal fold thickness)
• Spine
• Heart (rate, rhythm, 4-chamber views, outflow tract)
• Thorax (shape, lungs, diaphragm)
• Abdomen (stomach, kidneys, liver, bladder, wall, umbilicus, cord, abdominal circumference AC)
• Limbs (femur, tibia, fibula, humerus, radius, ulna, hands, feet femur length FL)
• Genitals (gender, abnormality)
• Cervix (length and opening)

Our ultrasound tech was very nice & thorough. She described it as visually slicing through the baby, as if it were cake, to see all the different parts. It is so awesome you get to see the lobes of the brain, the chambers of the hearts, the lungs, diaphragm & everything listed above. It is so amazing to see on the screen. It's even more amazing & enjoyable when you have a tech that is nice & explains to you everything you're seeing. I was definitely moved to tears!

That's a full body shot, all curled up 😍

So once everything is done & the Tech had all the info she needed, she obliged (because they don't have to... they're there to find what's in that list above, not obligated to figure out the sex) to try to get a shot of the genitals for us. With Jacen he was so stubborn, he wouldn't spread 'em at all for the first ultrasound, so we had to go back again to see. With this baby it had it's little legs curled up too, but the Tech played around with my belly some and had me lay on my side, and we got to see just what we needed...

There's no denying what that is!!! I am officially a Boy Mom x2! Hubby just knew that this was a little girl since my pregnancy has been so different. Last pregnancy I knew without a doubt I was having a boy, this time I was clueless. We were hoping for a little princess, especially daddy, and big sis, she actually cried, poor thing is outnumbered. But we got us another Prince! At he end of the day we're just so thankful he's healthy and growing right the way he's supposed to! Couldn't be anymore thankful!

Now... to figure out what to name the Lil' Peanut!

One thing about having another baby of the same gender so close together is we won't need much for this baby, just essentials. Big Bro has plenty to share! They're bond is gonna be unbreakable growing up together! At first I was so nervous! "How am I gonna do this, two kids this close in age?!?!"... "Jacen is gonna be so jealous! He's too young to understand!"... But now I'm excited and ready for the challenge (remind me I said that when I'm ready to pull my hair our from exhaustion). I cannot wait to meet this little guy & see him and his brother playing & exploring together. They're gonna be amazing together! My Boys!

  

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Lost in Motherhood

Motherhood is a beautiful blessing. I cherish every single moment that I am able to share with my kids. I am very thankful for the opportunity to be able to be the one to stay home & raise them.

But Truth Moment: Some days it feels like I have completely lost myself, Where has April gone?

Today was surely one of those days. I haven't left the house since Monday, it's Thursday... The walls really closed in today. Of course I could get out and go for a walk or take little man to the park, but  I'm BEYOND exhausted! I'm keeping the toddler alive, and growing a new human at the same time. I'm tired. The past few days I have felt like I'm back in the first trimester, I would literally have not got out the bed if it wasn't for the needs of my son. Then here comes the guilt, he's stuck in the house with me, we do flash cards and he brings me multiple books to read all day, but the rest of the time he's rotting his brain out to Paw Patrol or Finding Dory for the 500th time. I feel like a failure to him on days like this. I want him to be outside exploring, or if we're stuck in the house to be making a mess with play-doh and paint, or something constructive.

There's only so much I can do when my body is begging me to lay down. 

Before motherhood took over, I was a Nail-tech, working at spas, pampering others & getting pampered. Having adult conversations, albeit it most was them bragging about the things they had, but hey, it was another adult. I made them feel brand new with some seriously cute nails.

Something I enjoyed to do very much. But now, I don't have the time, I barely do my own anymore. Feels like I'm wasting my talent. I hope to get back into it one day.

We decided when I got pregnant that due to our finances it just made since for me to stay at home, and once again, YES I am very thankful for this. I couldn't imagine dropping my son off at day care, with strangers. When he starts school I'm sure I'll be THAT mom who's crying her eyes out in the car. This was the best for us, and that's why I am doing it. It is a HARD JOB! Everything about being a SAHM is still new to me. It's still an adjustment. Even 17 months into the role.  There's no clocking out. No Sick days. No Vacation. When I think I got it down pat, life laughs at me. In May I'll have a toddler, a newborn, a 7 & 11 year old up in this house with me! I honestly don't think there is enough caffeine to get me through the days! 

The new April is a mom 110% of the time 365 days of the year.

I may have lost the more independent, working, nail-artist April, but what have I gained? 

The Love of my son, the pure unconditional love. I have watched him grow each and everyday, stronger & smarter. I haven't missed a single milestone! That assures me that I'm not failing him after all. He's happy & healthy. Tomorrow is a new day. As long as he is smiling, I'm doing my job well! 

Over the next few years I'm sure that I'll adjust better into this Motherhood thing. No Mom is perfect, we are our worst critics. It's OK to get tired. To get frustrated. To be mentally & Physically drained, you will always bounce back, why? Because those big brown eyes (in my case) are depending on you to brighten their day & you wouldn't have it any other way.

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Pregnancy Weight Gain (Updated 5/9/18)

My battle since I was a child was my weight. I've always been overweight, nothing new there. The battle to maintain a healthy weight gain during pregnancy is a whole new ball game. Especially when you're overweight already.

My first pregnancy I started at 208 lbs. Found out I was pregnant Nov 2015 By Jan, 2016 I weighed the below:

So that was 10 months in, with a 6 lb weight gain, not bad. But by May I was 247 lbs:

I finally delivered Aug. 9, 2016 So I surely broke the 250 lb mark. 45 lb weight gain. No thanks! Not this time!!!

So I'm sticking to a Low-Carb diet. As much as humanly possible, those sugar cravings are a killer sometimes, trying to fill them with fruit. Going to the gym & do at-home workouts as much as my body will allow. Here's my progress So far:

I was very happy when I got on the scale this morning only a 1 lb weight gain in 3 weeks!! I was expecting more because I've been slacking. But Last week I regained focus on my nutrition even though I didn't make it to gym, I made sure I ate right. And it paid off!

Update: 1/11/18

I'm up to 215 lbs. which means a total weight gain of 10 lbs. so far! Being that I'm 21 weeks as of today, my appetite has increased, and my energy has decreased the past few days I am happy with this, 4 lbs. in 4 weeks. I am still trying my hardest to stick to low-carb & my goal this week has been to up my water intake. So far so good. Now if my 1st trimester sleepiness would go away, I could get some movement going.

Update 2/3/18

I'm up to 216 lbs. at 24 weeks, total weight gain of 11 lbs. & I'm VERY glad with that. It's funny I took this picture on the 2nd, earlier that week I weighed and I was 220 lbs. purely bloated from carbs. Me & the Beautiful Carbs do not get along, although I love them so!! But after a few days of cutting carbs & drinking enough water that bloat was gone! I haven't been able to workout as good as I have wanted to due to horrible headaches & pelvic pain. But I'm getting 2 or 3 good workouts in a week, still trying to listen to my body. I started going to get pool gym, and that does feel quite wonderful!

Update: 3/1/18

Let the weight gain begin! Since the last post I've gained 5 lbs! My belly has got a lot bigger here lately, so hopefully it's all going to little man! I am fine with this! This means a total weight gain of 16 lbs this whole pregnancy! 3 months left to go! I cannot believe I am in my third trimester now. It's going to fly by! This is when you gain the most of your weight, because the baby is putting on getting bigger, fatter, longer, stronger! As long as he's growing healthy I'm a happy Momma! I have had some days where I've been so hungry it feels like I could eat everything in the kitchen! I am battling this by stuffing my face with fruits and fresh veggies with hummus. It has helped so much keeping healthy quick snacks around the house. Although the kids Cap'n Crunch is really calling my name sometimes, but I haven't gave in to that sugary mess! I am still doing whatever workouts my pelvis & hips are allowing. Which isn't much these days. That's why nutrition is so important! Remember to subscribe so you can get an alert, I'll be back to update with the next 4 week weight gain in April!

3/29/18

I didn't even realize 4 more weeks had passed! That really flew by! So today I hit 32 weeks pregnant, and I've gained another 5 lbs. Not surprised, third trimester is when baby boy packs on the weight. Hopefully it's all gonna be leaving when he does! But I'll be honest it's been harder to be stayed focused on healthy eating here lately. I have been craving sweets. Ice Cream is my bestie. I had about 2 weeks of bad eating, and I snapped back to reality this week. I've done really well since Monday. I post my calorie intake & macros on my Instagram story every night. Today I'm struggling with indigestion so eating light & eat is not a problem at all. Went grocery shopping today and loaded up on fruits & veggies. I hope the next weigh in at 36 weeks won't be another 5lbs. But if it is, he'll be worth it. Total weight gain thus far: 21 lbs. much better than this time last pregnancy.

4/19/18

I decided to update today because on 5/18/18 I'll be delivering via C-section unless he decides to pop out early! I hit 35 weeks today! I was 226 lbs. last weigh-in, up to 230 lbs. this morning. I won't make excuses I'm not eating like a crazy lady, but it's not always the healthiest choices. But it's not an everyday binge fest. I've done better than the last weigh-in with food, I've had a lot more salads, and fruits, with the side of pizza and nachos here & there!!! 4 lbs. isn't too bad, I'm glad it's not more! Pregnancy cravings are a struggle! So I've officially met my 25 pound weight gain goal for this pregnancy. I don't want to gain a pound past that, but that's not realistic since he's packing on fat still. What I can do is take the food day by day & be as healthy as possible with it. I have been active, walking a couple times a week & doing some light weight workouts. I really feel like doing workouts when my body allows it, has helped me tremendously this pregnancy! Also, chasing the toddler really helps the step count for the day! I will Update for the last time at 38 weeks, then I'll be getting ready to deliver my boy! I've had a few folks commenting on how I'm "all belly," carrying really well & didn't gain much. Makes me feel good because that was the goal I was working towards!

This is the final update for this part of my pregnancy journey. Because next Friday, my son will be in my arms! As you can see this from April 9th until today I've gained the most at once that I have my whole pregnancy! My appetite has been insane! So glad it wasn't like this the entire pregnancy! There are some nights I eat dinner, and an hour later my stomach is growling, hard & loud like I haven't ate all day! The third trimester is also when the baby packs on the last of his fat. So hopefully, most of these 6 lbs. gained some of that went to him! I started this pregnancy around 206 lbs. (you can see in the beginning of post). I'm ending at 236 lbs. which means a total weight gain this pregnancy of 30 lbs. So I'm 5 lbs. over my 25 lb. goal. I can live with that! I'm actually quite proud of myself I stayed pretty consistent this entire pregnancy, and even though there were some splurges I would bounce back to healthier eating. I will be back Post-partum with a new blog to share with y'all my Baby Weight-loss journey. The picture below is from my Maternity photos with my first son, and my new ones from last week. The differences I see make me very happy! I did it! I got through a pregnancy without eating everything insight and losing my nutritional wits! 

Please check back because I will be updating this blog post with my progress every few weeks!

You can also follow my journey on Instagram with daily updates of both my little guys!